BETWEEN THE SHELVES
A very attractive dark-haired customer, a young woman of average height and slightly more than average build, is busily scanning the shelves of a well-stocked provincial bookshop. She takes a fancy to a paperback volume of short stories by Guy de Maupassant and, removing it from the shelf, proceeds to read the blurb. Apart from an elderly man and two young shop assistants sitting by the till near the plate-glass window, the shop is otherwise deserted. From time to time the customer darts a quick glance at the more handsome of the shop assistants who, cognizant of this, eventually absents himself from his post and approaches her with a faint smile on his lips.
SHOP ASSISTANT: (Very politely) Good afternoon. Would you like any assistance?
CUSTOMER: No thanks, I'm just looking.
SHOP ASSISTANT: Don't you mean looking for a lover? (He smiles, and the customer coldly smiles back.) By the way, you're dripping.
CUSTOMER: (Glances at the floor) Where?
SHOP ASSISTANT: (Draws her behind the shelves at the rear of the shop and puts a hand up her skirt) Here.
CUSTOMER: (Somewhat embarrassed) Oh no, please! What d'you think you're doing?
SHOP ASSISTANT: (Withdraws his hand) My mistake. I just thought you could use a helping hand.
CUSTOMER: (Smooths down her skirt) But aren't you a trifle forward? I've never been treated like that before, not by a complete stranger. You've certainly got a nerve!
SHOP ASSISTANT: (Somewhat startled by her fierce rebuke) Forgive me. I wasn't intending to rape you. But I noticed you glancing at me - once, twice, three, maybe four times - while you were scanning the shelves, so I thought to myself: 'Either she's up to no good or she fancies me.' Well, preferring to give both you and me the benefit of the doubt, I considered it worth my while to introduce myself. 'Perhaps she's hard up,' I thought, 'or tied to a man who doesn't properly satisfy her. Why not find out anyway, do someone a favour for once.' But I couldn't think of anything to say by way of introducing myself that wouldn't have sounded corny or pathetic to me. So I said the first thing that came into my head and hoped for the best.
CUSTOMER: (Still embarrassed, but cooling slightly) I see. And you hope to make me your girlfriend, is that it? Well, you're certainly original, I must say! Though I wasn't exactly expecting to be picked up in here ...
SHOP ASSISTANT: You mean you only glanced at me because you felt I'd keep my distance?
CUSTOMER: No, not really. I ... oh, how can I explain?
SHOP ASSISTANT: (Takes the volume of Maupassant's short stories from her hand) You evidently had sex on your mind when you picked this up.
CUSTOMER: (Feigns innocence) Did I? Actually I haven't read his work before.
SHOP ASSISTANT: Quite an excellent reason for buying it, then. Allow me to congratulate you for having such good taste. Perhaps you imagined Maupassant would be a better and livelier read than anybody else?
CUSTOMER: Yes, I suppose I did in a way. But I like French literature in general, so I usually tend to gravitate towards the many French authors to be found in book shops. I studied French literature at college, you see.
SHOP ASSISTANT: Really? How exciting! The French have so much literary talent, don't they? The mind simply brims over with illustrious names.
CUSTOMER: How very true. So you recommend this volume of short stories?
SHOP ASSISTANT: (Flicks through the pages) It would certainly bring you lots of intellectual pleasure. (He looks up from the book and fixes her with a probing eye) Wouldn't you prefer the real thing though, now, tonight, whenever you like?
CUSTOMER: Thank you, but I've already got a boyfriend. I'll be seeing him tonight.
SHOP ASSISTANT: (Loses hope) Too bad! I'm sorry I bothered you. (He returns the book to her trembling hand and begins to walk away.)
CUSTOMER: (Catches hold of his sleeve) Don't think I don't appreciate your interest. If you really want me that much, why not take my name and address now, this very moment, before I leave?
SHOP ASSISTANT: How do I know you're not going to trick me?
CUSTOMER: (Smiles faintly) You'll just have to trust me.
SHOP ASSISTANT: Will I see you again?
CUSTOMER: That's not impossible.
SHOP ASSISTANT: (With a look of relief on his face) There's a spare room out the back. I can lock the door without drawing any condemnatory attention upon us.
CUSTOMER: (Follows him into the spare room, which is in fact a kind of coffee room, stock room, and office all rolled into one) But won't they miss you in the shop?
SHOP ASSISTANT: Yes, but they'll assume that I'm acquainting you with our latest stock. Anyway, we're not exactly over-worked today so, providing we don't stay longer than half-an-hour here, they'll manage perfectly well without me.
CUSTOMER: And what, may I ask, are you really doing?
SHOP ASSISTANT: Introducing a charming young lady to our chamber of sensual delights, of course.
CUSTOMER: (Quite startled) Indeed? So it's regular policy in this shop, is it?
SHOP ASSISTANT: Not really. But we allow each other enough freedom to chat-up the occasional customer who might appeal to one or other of us, if the opportunity were to present itself. The owner of the shop, although too old to be an efficient lover, is an authority on sex education who, providing we assistants remain fairly discreet and don't overdo it, is prepared to turn a blind eye to any socio-sexual activities which my colleague and I may choose to embark on, and all in the hope that we'll thereby come to a fuller appreciation of his own books.
CUSTOMER: (Visibly amused) How very convenient!
SHOP ASSISTANT: It's only natural. After all, being a book salesman in what is, by provincial standards, a fairly small shop on such a quiet day as this can become rather boring, you know. (He locks the door behind them and then offers her a seat on a convertible settee situated against one of the walls.)
CUSTOMER: (Looks around the room) So this is where the socio-sexual activities take place, is it?
SHOP ASSISTANT: Only with women who are pretty enough, intelligent enough, and compliant enough to permit it.
CUSTOMER: Well, now that you've got me ...
SHOP ASSISTANT: (Draws himself up alongside her on the settee) I'll get to know you on a more intimate basis. What's your name, by the way?
CUSTOMER: Dawn.
SHOP ASSISTANT: Well now, this is certainly the first time I've been granted the opportunity of carnal intimacy with a Dawn in the middle of the afternoon!
CUSTOMER: (Smiles to herself and simultaneously drops the volume of Maupassant into her shoulder-bag without his noticing it) Then don't spoil it, you persuasive man!