51. A new and probably truer theory of guitars vis-à-vis ideological equivalents: Liberal classical guitar; Liberal Democratic folk guitar; Ecological superfolk (synthetic acoustic with electric pick-up, etc.) guitar; Democratic Socialist semi-electric guitar; Socialist Gibson-style electric guitar, i.e. with relative machine-head; Communist Stratocaster-style electric guitar, i.e. with absolute machine-head; Transcendental Socialist synthesized guitar. Thus the guitar conceived as a Liberal-Socialist-Communist phenomenon, depending on the type of guitar in question. In contrast, I would argue, to pianos and synthesizers, of which an ideological theory as follows: autocratic full-sized grand; Catholic theocratic baby-grand; Protestant large upright; traditional Conservative small upright; radical Conservative electric piano; Nazi synthesized electric piano; Fascist synthesizer; Social Transcendentalist guitar synthesizer, i.e. synthesizer with guitar-style neck.

52. Theory of soccer as a Democratic Socialist equivalent when played on a traditional grass pitch but as a Marxian Socialist equivalent when played on a synthetic surface. (A distinction, one might argue, paralleling that between conventional large-screen cinema and studio-type small-screen cinema.) After which, indoor five-a-side football - a Communist equivalent which could only be outstripped, or ideologically surpassed, on the Transcendental Socialist level of American-style indoor football. Thus football conceived as a left-wing democratic/right-wing theocratic phenomenon. In contrast, I would argue, to rugby, which suggests - certainly in its Union guise - a Conservative equivalent, and therefore a right-wing democratic status by dint of its throwing/carrying idealism - the kind of (above-ground) idealism also found in American so-called football, in reality a kind of super-rugby of carrying/throwing bias which suggests a Nazi, or extreme right-wing democratic, equivalent ... antithetically parallel to synthetic surface soccer. Which leaves - does it not? - the possibility of a Fascist equivalence beyond American football that could well be basketball - an indoor game suggestive of a theocratic (idealistic) status by dint of the curvilinear, not to say vertical, nature of the 'basket', in contrast to the rectilinear and horizontal bias of soccer goals, including those in five-a-side indoor soccer, which rather indicate a democratic (realistic) status. Thus we may well have a Fascist/Communist distinction between basketball on the one hand and indoor football on the other, whether or not there exist Social Transcendentalist and Transcendental Socialist parallels beyond.

53. In relation to the above, I seem to recall an indoor game played in the school gymnasium in which a hoop resting horizontally on a mat served as 'goal' in a two-team competition resembling basketball, in which scores were achieved by throwing a large rubber ball into the opposing team's hoop - at the expense, needless to say, of the 'keeper'. This game, which was called hoopball, suggests a Social Transcendentalist equivalence beyond Fascist basketball, an equivalence analogous, in its own context, to 'plain' scooters and to rock-jazz in their respective contexts ... beyond traditional 'streamlined' scooters and 'modern jazz', and thus, I would now argue, left-wing theocratic.

54. Theory of basic types of television: large, bulky Democratic Socialist television; small, slender Socialist television; conventional Communist portable TV; streamlined Transcendental Socialist portable TV. From materialistic realism to materialistic idealism, the democratic Left to the theocratic Right.

55. Whereas a flying boat suggests a Transcendental Socialist equivalent, a seaplane suggests a Social Transcendentalist one.

56. Helicopters, or 'choppers', can broadly be defined as pertaining to left-wing democratic and to right-wing theocratic equivalents, with large twin-propeller passenger helicopters suggesting a Democratic Socialist equivalent and small, albeit bulky-looking, transporter helicopters suggesting a pure Socialist equivalent. Similarly one could distinguish between Communist and Transcendental Socialist equivalents on the basis that choppers appertaining to the former category will be larger and more materialistic than those in the latter one, while still being smaller than - and distinct from - Socialist helicopters. Indeed, the distinction between helicopters (as Socialist) and choppers (as Communist) would appear to parallel that between conventional televisions (as Socialist) and portables (as Communist). Choppers, then, are analogous to portables (as to motorbikes, rock, Stratocaster-type electric guitars, etc.), and may be classified on the basis of being either purist, and hence Communist, or streamlined, and hence Transcendental Socialist, albeit of a different order of streamlining and style from the (paradoxically) streamlined helicopters, which, by contrast, suggest a Nazi equivalent.

57. I have already discussed chips in relation to ideology, dividing them, according to type, into Socialist and Communist categories, and would now like to make a brief reference to potatoes, conceived as a bourgeois norm, in the guise, firstly, of Liberal and, then, of Conservative and Democratic Socialist equivalents. For it seems to me that, while roast potatoes constitute a Liberal equivalent, boiled and baked potatoes constitute Conservative and Democratic Socialist equivalents, respectively, either side of a Liberal middle-ground, so to speak, of bourgeois moderation - indeed, reflect a petty-bourgeois extremism which indicates a kind of atomic split into radical Conservative, or Neo-Conservative, idealism on the one hand, and Democratic Socialist materialism on the other. This is not to say that, politically considered, the Tories and the Democratic Socialists are entirely petty-bourgeois parties, since that would hardly reflect the truth. Speaking on the metaphorical level of potato equivalents, it would be truer to say that Conservatives are a combination of grand-bourgeois mash and petty-bourgeois boiled, with the latter tending to dominate the former on the basis of a cabinet/back-bench antithesis, while Democratic Socialists, to maintain our metaphorical analogue (irrespective of how relevant or irrelevant it may be to the Labour Party), are a combination of petty-bourgeois baked potatoes and proletarian chips, with the former tending to dominate the latter and so retain, from a cabinet or shadow-cabinet vantage point, a check on backbench radicalism, particularly in the guise of militant or pure Socialism, which could only subvert the democratic standing of the parliamentary Labour Party. Thus in both cases the petty bourgeoisie are the controlling force, though with this difference: their domination of the Conservatives is of comparatively recent date (stemming from Edward Heath) and signifies a Neo-Conservative revolution within the party, whereas their domination of the Labour Party is traditional and designed to thwart a more militantly proletarian allegiance from arising. The Democratic Socialist revolution has yet to take place - assuming it ever will.

58. To return to potatoes. It seems feasible, then, to attribute a petty-bourgeois Democratic Socialist status to baked and, by contrast, a radical Conservative status to boiled, with traditional roast alone truly commensurate with a bourgeois, and hence Liberal, status. Obviously, in relation to roast potatoes, baked potatoes, with their harder crust, are materialistic, whereas boiled potatoes, with their softer constitution, suggest an idealistic alternative commensurate with Corporate Capitalism. In each case, a more absolute and therefore petty-bourgeois type of potato, with Liberal roast traditionally significant of the relative ... in terms of a classical bourgeois atomic coherence, the kind of coherence which not only petty-bourgeois extremism opposes but decadent bourgeois extremism itself opposes or, at any rate, transcends ... on a Liberal Democratic level commensurate with a combination of baked and boiled potatoes or, translated into political terms, Socialist and Capitalist alternatives. Of course, it could be argued that fried potatoes (not to be confused with chips) also correspond to a Liberal Democratic equivalent, in which case we would be dealing with a middle-ground proletarian phenomenon co-existent with decadent bourgeois boiled-and-baked combinations or, rather, oscillations - a co-existence typical of British democracy and indicative of the fact that, translated into political reality, even the Liberal Democrats are a mixed-class party, albeit one dominated by its bourgeois elements. But if medium-sized baked and boiled potatoes suggest Democratic Socialist and radical Conservative equivalents respectively, then one could argue that the combination and/or oscillation of baked and boiled on the level of a Liberal Democratic equivalent would make for smaller potatoes or, to be more specific, that a Liberal Democratic equivalent could only be sustained on the basis that both the baked and boiled potatoes were individually smaller than on either the Democratic Socialist or radical Conservative levels, but of approximately equal scale when considered in combination. However, it seems reasonable to contend that small baked potatoes would constitute a Socialist equivalent, with small boiled potatoes constituting a Nazi equivalent - albeit, in each case, on very extreme petty-bourgeois levels and terms. Which is not to say that both Socialism and Nazism are only petty-bourgeois ideologies but, rather, that there are (as in the cases of Democratic Socialism and Neo-Conservatism) petty-bourgeois types whose 'potato' analogue would be somewhat more on the level of small chips and a certain (round) type of friend potato, respectively, than on that of small baked or boiled, as the case may be. Class overlaps would seem to occur no less on the extra-parliamentary levels of Socialism and Nazism than on the parliamentary levels of Democratic Socialism and Conservatism, not to mention Liberal Democracy, so that anything which falls within the broad democratic framework will be subject to such an overlap or co-existence between specific classes. There are other ways of confirming this, about which more later on!

59. I have already outlined some basic political distinctions between televisions and portables, broadly conceiving of the former as Socialist and the latter as Communist (although democratic and pure Socialist distinctions in the one case and Communist and Transcendental Socialist distinctions in the other case were also made). As a generalization, this will suffice. But it seems that a more objectively accurate view will have to allow for colour distinctions in addition to size and type, i.e. conventional or portable, if justice is to be done to both televisions and portables alike. For colour is an option, not simply a matter of technological evolution, since one can buy a new television or portable in monochrome as well as in colour, a fact which suggests ideological distinctions. Now if we account for class overlaps on both Democratic Socialist and Socialist levels (comparable to the distinction between baked potatoes and chips), it seems perfectly reasonable to conjecture analogous overlaps between, for example, Democratic Socialist televisions and portables on the one hand, and Socialist televisions and portables on the other. Thus, in the first case, we are dealing with a distinction between large monochromatic petty-bourgeois televisions and monochromatic proletarian portables which have a headphone option (centralizing capacity) and the front of which is designed on a relativistic basis, i.e. between screen and controls. In the second case, however, we have a distinction between smaller, more streamlined monochromatic petty-bourgeois televisions and monochromatic proletarian portables without a headphone option and designed on an absolutist basis, i.e. controls on top and the front entirely, or almost entirely, screen. One could speak, with regard to these two types, of democratic or even, in a certain restricted sense, 'teutonic' portables. Whatever the case, monochrome is significant of an anti-natural status commensurate with Socialist materialism. By contrast, polychrome will signify a supernatural status, since reproducing natural colours in an artificial context, and we can, I believe, attribute a radical Conservative status to large colour televisions and a Nazi status to small colour televisions, both of which would conform to petty-bourgeois equivalents vis-à-vis the Nazi proletarianism, so to speak, of a certain type of colour portable - one fairly slender and streamlined (though not in monitor style), but suggesting stylistic associations with conventional portables. On the other hand, monitor-style colour portables can be evaluated in terms of a Communist equivalent, while such a portable coupled to video - a so-called televideo - will have Transcendental Socialist implications - the video capacity corresponding to the theocratic, if on materialist, and hence bogus, terms ... compared with the true idealism of a Social Transcendentalist 'trip'.

60. Let's take another context where petty-bourgeois/proletarian overlaps may be said to apply, viz. open-topped sports cars vis-à-vis two-seater motorbikes and/or sidecar combinations. Here, then, a Democratic Socialist equivalent, with the sports cars in question corresponding to baked potatoes or large monochromatic televisions, and the motorbikes in question to large chips and monochromatic portables with a relativistic front and headphone capacity. Obviously, we are alluding to large motorbikes in the case of the proletarian Democratic Socialist equivalent, whether with or without sidecar. For the democratic equivalent is usually on a larger scale than anything progressively theocratic. Moreover, it may be said that we should distinguish between open-topped sidecars and enclosed sidecars, so that while we attribute a materialistic and therefore Democratic Socialist equivalent to the former, the interiorized idealism of the latter suggests a Nazi proletarian equivalent commensurate with conventional colour portables and co-existent with (petty-bourgeois) enclosed racing cars.

61. However that may be, we needn't doubt that open-topped racing cars and dragster-style motorbikes, i.e. motorbikes with low saddle and high handlebars, constitute pure Socialist equivalents - the one extreme petty-bourgeois and the other extreme democratic proletarian: small baked and small chips respectively or, to cite a TV parallel, small monochromatic televisions and monochromatic portables with an absolutist front and the absence of a headphone capacity - a factor doubtless paralleling the absence of a silencer on your typical dragster motorbike, which makes for the maximum engine noise in fidelity to optimum materialism, a reduction to the lowest-common-denominator of democratic appearances. By contrast, the sidecar of proletarian Democratic Socialist motorbikes correlates with the headphone capacity of the ideologically analogous monochromatic portables, making for a centralized or essential parallel. Doubtless the same applies to Nazi sidecar motorbikes vis-à-vis conventionally-designed colour portables with a headphone capacity.

62. Small single-seater motorbikes with or without a silencer, though particularly without, would suggest a Communist equivalent, which of course is beyond petty-bourgeois/proletarian overlaps, and beyond these purist motorbikes are to be found the streamlined single-seater bikes of a Transcendental Socialist equivalence, bikes which have their ideological parallel in televideo portables rather than, as in the case of Communist bikes, monitor-style colour portables. Thus we can and should distinguish Communist bikes (of whatever sort) from Socialist bikes ... no less than Communist portables from Socialist portables, and these latter from their petty-bourgeois counterparts.

63. On the subject of class distinctions, it follows that modern music will also lend itself to ideological categorization on the above basis, with Democratic Socialist distinctions between orchestral avant-garde classical, especially of a highly rhythmic nature, and rock 'n' roll, conceiving of the latter in terms of a predominantly rhythmic vocal/instrumental music with two or more electric guitars, as in the cases, traditionally, of the Rolling Stones and the Boomtown Rats, which (guitars) are more likely to be of the Gibson variety (with relativistic machinehead) than of the more absolute, and hence Communist, Stratocaster type. Here, then, we would have parallels with open-topped sports cars and large double-seater motorbikes respectively, parallels which can be extended into a Socialist purism in the guise of orchestral Socialist Realism on the one hand ... and hard rock on the other, with corresponding extensions to open-topped racing cars and dragster-style motorbikes - extreme petty-bourgeois and proletarian equivalents respectively. More usually, hard rock will have just one lead guitar, and that a Gibson or similarly relative make which confirms a Socialist status, as in the cases, traditionally, of Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin - two 'heavy' bands whose rhythmic intensities and guitar exclusivities tend to make for a hard-left correspondence commensurate with silencer-scorning motorbikes.

64. As for the democratic Right, it seems feasible to contend that a pitch-biased orchestral avant-garde classical, commensurate with parliamentary petty-bourgeois extremism, will be superseded, on the Extreme Right, by electronic avant-garde classical ... commensurate with a radical, or Nazi, petty-bourgeois extremism, which will ideologically co-exist with experimental rock, a term which calls to mind bands like Soft Machine and Pink Floyd traditionally. The parallels in each case would be from enclosed two-seater sports cars to enclosed racing cars, the latter co-existent with enclosed sidecar motorbikes.

65. Moving on from the democratic Extreme Right to the theocratic Extreme Left, we enter the Fascist realm of jazz, particularly modern jazz, and from this streamlined-scooter parallel we may proceed, via bands like Weather Report and Spyro Gyra, to the Social Transcendentalist realm of rock-jazz, in which a stronger rhythmic drive with greater electric support, often from guitars, is notably discernible, so that a parallel with bike-like (stripped-down) scooters comes to mind, and we automatically think of groups such as Return to Forever and Mahavishnu Orchestra - on the whole a less absolute, and hence more relative, phenomenon ... commensurate with a left-wing theocratic equivalent.

66. Dropping back to the opposite side, we should be justified in defining soft rock as a Communist equivalent ... paralleling small motorbikes in relation to Socialist and to Democratic Socialist equivalents, and from there, via groups like Jethro Tull and Genesis, to jazz-rock ensembles in which a more pitch-biased orientation, often assisted by synthesizers, is but a Transcendental Socialist step away, the parallel with streamlined motorbikes presenting itself, as we think of bands like Yes and Curved Air traditionally. Of course, few bands or musicians are ever entirely any one thing, least of all when viewed from a long-term retrospective position. But most of them generally adhere to a given ideological musical bent, both on the flanks, as it were, and in the middle - as, for example, in the cases of Social Democratic rock classical and Ecological blues. Certainly, the theocratic levels are all proletarian or, if you prefer, superfolkish, whereas the democratic levels, including the Socialist and Nazi extremes, embrace petty-bourgeois overlaps.

67. It could of course be argued that, in relation to electric jazz, i.e. modern jazz, acoustic jazz is petty bourgeois in character and therefore something that should be distinguished from the former on an ideological basis suggestive of an alternative Conservative equivalent to pitch-biased orchestral avant-garde classical, and thus correlative with a bicycle, particularly a woman's bicycle, which, in contrast to a man's, suggests a stylistic link with mopeds and scooters. Could it be that distinctions accordingly ought to be made between Conservative trad jazz on the one hand and Nazi avant-garde jazz on the other, the latter of which, while not entirely acoustic, falls short of electric modern jazz to the extent that a moped falls short, by dint of its pedal naturalism, of a scooter? Thus we could align jazz and rock along parallel evolutionary spectra as follows: trad jazz - avant-garde jazz - modern jazz - rock-jazz; rock 'n' roll - hard rock - soft rock - jazz-rock.

68. Possibly an alternative petty-bourgeois non-classical music to trad jazz, and one correlative with a male bicycle, would be rhythm 'n' blues, which suggests a Democratic Socialist equivalent - albeit one sandwiched in between sports-car orchestral avant-gardism and motorbike rock 'n' roll.

69. Sense in which a correlation can be detected between bicycles and acoustic guitars, mopeds and semi-electric guitars, and motorbikes and electric guitars.

70. Interesting how semi-electric guitars are often used in that jazz context in between trad and modern, which I defined as avant-garde.

71. Probably certain kinds of early rock 'n' roll which made use of semi-electric guitars would be better correlated with mopeds than with motorbikes, assuming that some mopeds can be ascribed a Democratic Socialist equivalence.

72. Distinguishing between petty-bourgeois and proletarian phenomena or equivalents on the Left, it could be argued that hardbacks without a dustjacket or wrapper but manufactured in such a way that the design, if any, is on the cover, are petty bourgeois in relation to paperbacks whose cover is fairly stiff by general paperback standards, thereby suggesting a proletarian Democratic Socialist equivalent. In both cases, one would have an average-sized product in mind, though hardbacks and paperbacks of a smaller size manufactured on a similar basis would suggest pure Socialist equivalents beyond, comparable to open-topped racing cars and to dragster motorbikes respectively or, alternatively, to small baked potatoes and small chips of a relatively (in relation to Communist chips) hard or tough texture. However, proceeding to the Communist levels, which differ in substance if not in detail from the Socialist ones, it should be possible to ascribe a Communist, or extreme right-wing theocratic, equivalence to small soft paperbacks, while reserving a Transcendental Socialist equivalence for small soft paperbacks the spines of which are sharp-edged rather than flat, i.e. akin to standard magazine formats, and therefore magazine-like in construction. For it can be argued that conventional magazines are essentially Fascist equivalents comparable, in theocratic terms, to streamlined scooters, while magazines designed with a paperback-like flat spine suggest a Social Transcendentalist equivalence comparable to plain or stripped-down scooters, much as though they signified a compromise with paperbacks. (Probably a similar Social Transcendentalist/Transcendental Socialist distinction exists between book-like cassettes, i.e. cassettes of novels, poems, etc., in a book-like case, and tapes with sharp-edged paperbacks, i.e. language courses with booklet included.) However, in returning to books, we may take it that average-sized hardbacks with wrapper plus plastic cover signify a radical Conservative equivalent commensurate with enclosed sports cars, while smaller versions of the same would suggest a Nazi equivalent beyond, in both cases two degrees of right-wing petty-bourgeois hardbacks, which contrast with the Democratic Socialist and pure Socialist hardbacks on the democratic Left. But if a petty-bourgeois/proletarian overlap or, rather, co-existence is also to be inferred on the democratic Extreme Right, then it would seem that small magazine-like paperbacks which are independent of cassettes are the most logical choice, especially when incorporating colour pictures - a factor shared with other types of paperback, particularly Transcendental Socialist ones, and making for a more supernatural bias, in contrast to the anti-natural bias of monochromatic photography, which may or may not be found in conjunction with proletarian Democratic Socialist paperbacks, and which suggests an analogue with open-topped sidecars. Indeed, photographs can also, of course, be found in hardbacks, whether Left or Right, in black-and-white or colour, though usually on the moderate rather than extreme petty-bourgeois levels ... commensurate with Democratic Socialist and radical Conservative alternatives.

73. As for 'Liberal' books, with or without photos, we are thinking in terms of a conventional hardback format with paper wrapper or dustjacket but no cellophane wrapping. A smaller version of an average-sized book of this nature would probably constitute a petty-bourgeois Liberal Democratic equivalence, while a straight-spined paperback with colour photos would suggest a proletarian Liberal Democratic equivalence, analogous to three-wheeler cars. If anything is left to Ecology beyond, it could well be small sharp-spined magazines not altogether dissimilar from paperbacks in appearance, and they would be equivalent to trikes.

74. Thus, to briefly recapitulate: hardbacks of whichever type as bourgeois and/or petty-bourgeois phenomena; paperbacks and magazines of whichever type as proletarian phenomena. The former an exclusively democratic norm; the latter predominantly theocratic. Doubtless there exists a correlation between magazines and packet mash, just as paperbacks can be correlated with chips, which, unlike packet mash, come in a number of guises - from Socialist 'hard' chips to Communist 'soft' chips, with due variation in length and size, as already discussed. Just as we distinguished between Socialist and Communist chips, not to mention motorbikes, portables, etc., so a distinction can be drawn, in like-manner, between Socialist and Communist paperbacks, and if it is not too fanciful to regard the latter as softback in relation to the former, then a paperback/softback distinction will suffice us ... as between materialistic realism and materialistic idealism. Paradoxically, both paperbacks and softbacks correlate with the (Antichristic) diabolic in relation to magazines which, by contrast, indicate an idealistic idealism commensurate with the (Messianic) divine and, hence, with Fascist and/or Social Transcendentalist criteria.

75. Certainly an ideological correlation can be inferred to exist between paperbacks and cigarettes, the latter generally socialistic, with tipped cigarettes Democratic Socialist and non-tipped cigarettes pure Socialist, while roll-ups and 'joints' suggest Communist and Transcendental Socialist equivalents respectively, analogous to softbacks and magazine-like softbacks with colour pictures, etc.

76. But what of cigars? Well, it would seem that cigars can be correlated with hardbacks, with due class/ideological distinctions between one type of cigar and another paralleling such hardback distinctions as have already been drawn. Thus we can speak of Liberal cigars, Democratic Socialist cigars, radical Conservative cigars, and even, I would imagine, Nazi and Socialist cigars, though the latter would be smaller and shorter than the former, corresponding to a radical petty-bourgeois extremism on a par with racing cars of one kind or another, i.e. enclosed or open-topped, vis-à-vis two-seater sports cars of a comparable ideological bias or, alternatively (if we are to revert to books), equivalent to small hardbacks of the Nazi and Socialist kinds already mentioned. Additionally, one could cite an analogue with small boiled and baked potatoes in each case. However that may be, we shall distinguish between cigars on the following basis: Liberal cigars will be large and long, of uniform diameter; Liberal Democratic cigars will be smaller versions of the above; Democratic Socialist cigars will be large and thicker in the middle than at the ends, thereby suggesting a materialistic bias; pure Socialist cigars will be smaller versions of the same; radical Conservative cigars (there are no High Tory cigars - only pipes) will be long and slender, as befits an idealistic bias; and Nazi cigars will be shorter versions of the same.

77. Which brings us to the possibility of proletarian Nazi cigarettes co-existent with the radical petty-bourgeois cigars, and if these are not mentholated or even opiated cigarettes, then the only other alternative that occurs to me is roll-ups partly comprised of cannabis rather than simply of tobacco, given the idealistic nature of Nazi proletarianism, and these would parallel untipped cigarettes, that pure Socialist equivalent. In between, on the proletarian Liberal Democratic level, I think one would find cheroots, i.e. very small cigarette-like cigars, which could be said to ideologically co-exist with the small, middle-ground bourgeois Liberal Democratic cigars - as rock classical co-exists with neo-classical or, at any rate, with neo-romanticism.

78. After which one will enter the theocratic People's framework of Ecological herbal cigarettes, analogous to trikes beyond three-wheelers, and these will be flanked by the Fascist and Communist equivalents of modern pipe tobacco and cigarette tobacco respectively - the former coming in a slender plastic packet, the latter in an oblong paper packet; the one smoked in a modern-style metallic pipe, the other in roll-up papers. Which leaves us with the possibility of both Social Transcendentalist and Transcendental Socialist alternatives beyond - alternatives which imply the use of herbal tobacco and hashish, the former smoked in a contemporary curvilinear plastic pipe, the latter in extended roll-ups ... as a 'joint'. The one idealistic and supernatural, the other materialistic and anti-natural, even when tobacco is also used, as is generally the case. So we should have parallels, in each case, with plain scooters and streamlined motorbikes, or, alternatively, with rock-jazz and jazz-rock.

79. Where the latter-day metal and/or plastic pipes are concerned, we can posit a parallel with collapsible umbrellas and packet mash, which stand to traditional brollies and natural mash ... as Fascist phenomena to High Tory phenomena, superfolkish phenomena to grand-bourgeois phenomena, supernatural idealism to natural idealism. Clearly, a like-antithetical equivalence will exist between these Fascist pipes and High Tory wooden pipes, for which tinned tobacco would be the most relevant choice, not to mention the use of matches, particularly large ones, rather than slender plastic lighters. And yet, we could also distinguish between your average wooden pipe and earlier clay pipes, which would suggest a Catholic equivalent, as well as between these and large drop-bowl pipes, which I cannot but regard as autocratic - analogous to jacket potatoes.

80. Except in one case, there is no such thing as a proletarian novel; most novels are by definition bourgeois and/or petty bourgeois, with distinctions not only between the Left and the Right but also between moderate and extreme petty-bourgeois positions, i.e. Democratic Socialist to pure Socialist on the one hand, and radical Conservative to Nazi on the other hand. Thus we are distinguishing, on the Left, between Democratic Socialist antinovels and Marxist social-realist novels, whose analogical parallels are with open-topped two-seater sports cars and open-topped single-seater racing cars respectively, while, on the Right, we shall be distinguishing between radical Conservative supernovels and Nazi avant-garde novels, which provide analogical parallels with enclosed two-seater sports cars and enclosed single-seater racing cars respectively. By contrast, the conventional relative novel is a Liberal phenomenon, and if we are to extrapolate a Liberal Democratic novel from this relativity ... between appearance and essence, description and dialogue, it can only be in terms of an almost manic-depressive oscillation between the two options - appearance following essence in successive chapters rather than kept in an approximately simultaneous equilibrium. Such a quasi-absolutist novel would constitute a decadent bourgeois equivalent analogous to a four-seater hot rod vis-à-vis conventional four-seaters, and may be regarded as superdemocratic, co-existing (if that's the right word) with the popular novel.

81. Generally then, novels are not proletarian but bourgeois and/or petty-bourgeois phenomena - the only exception being the popular novel, to which we may ascribe a radical Liberal Democratic equivalence, since it conforms to a middle-ground People's art, analogous to three-wheelers, which are likewise middle ground in relation to, say, motorbikes, just as hot rods are generally such in relation to racing cars. A hot rod is really a kind of s(o)uped-up car, a turned-on bourgeois phenomenon analogous to rock classical, whereas a three-wheeler suggests a more absolutist and, hence, proletarian bias, with particular regard to the single (usually front) wheel ... analogous to pop music - a specifically proletarian phenomenon. However, granted that hot rods can also be of a two-seater, and hence petty-bourgeois, variety, we may detect a link between three-wheelers and trikes, the former tail-ending the democratic framework on radical Liberal Democratic terms, the latter pertaining to the succeeding theocratic framework on Ecological and therefore middle-ground terms, flanked by Fascist scooters and Communist motorbikes.

82. Returning to writing, it follows that if novels are not generally proletarian phenomena, then the modes of writing which most conform to a People's norm will be philosophic or poetic - in other words, contemporary artificial or supernatural philosophy on the one hand, and contemporary artificial or supernatural poetry on the other, which we may alternatively term superphilosophy and superpoetry respectively ... in order to distinguish them from traditional philosophy and poetry which, in their naturalistic integrities, correspond rather more to the alpha than to the omega of things - indeed, may be said to stem from the primitive levels of Devil and God rather than to aspire towards the contemporary omega levels of Devil and God in Antichristic and Messianic distinctions broadly relative to Communist and Fascist alternatives.

83. Of course, ideological distinctions can be drawn between one type of superphilosophy and another, as between one type of superpoetry and another, so that we are distinguishing between, say, Democratic Socialist or Socialist proletarian philosophy on the one hand, and Communist or Transcendental Socialist proletarian philosophy on the other, with like-distinctions between, say, Nazi proletarian poetry and Fascist and/or Social Transcendentalist proletarian poetry, a subject which I shall elaborate on later. Suffice it to say that there will be motorbike- or chip-like distinctions between one kind of superphilosophy and another, with the Communist variety more genuinely superphilosophical, as befitting a theocratic equivalent. But this should not be confused with philosophical literature, the latter-day philosophical novel which is a petty-bourgeois phenomenon parallel to open-topped two-seaters and baked potatoes and therefore something pertaining to the world or, more accurately, to the Devil-in-the-world rather than to the Devil-beyond-the-world ... of superphilosophical writing, any more than superpoetry, whether proletarian Nazi or Fascist, should be confused with poetic literature in the guise of poetic novels - a right-wing petty-bourgeois art form no less capable of extension into Nazi avant-garde literature than the philosophical novel can be written, by extension, on a purely Socialist basis ... commensurate with Socialist Realism and, consequently, with extreme petty-bourgeois criteria. Doubtless, if we are to distinguish between one kind of proletarian philosophy and another, we would be justified in according a Democratic Socialist equivalence to essayistic writings of a predominantly democratic cast, whereas writings of a purely Socialist cast would be best served on an aphoristic basis, with two or more line spaces between one aphorism and another, as in a journal. On the other hand, Communist philosophical writings, besides being of a communistic bias, would be more essayistic in character, while, beyond these, Transcendental Socialist writings, although predominantly aphoristic, would reflect a theocratic cohesion which seeks to minimize or even to eliminate spaces between one aphorism and another, thus making for increased centro-complexification.

84. In the case of proletarian poetry, however, we are distinguishing between Nazi, Fascist, and Social Transcendentalist equivalents, which can be done on the following basis: namely, abstract or near-abstract Nazi avant-garde poetry, the abstraction readable in character; tall, slender columns of rhymeless, unmetred, metaphysically-biased Fascist poems; and, finally, compact abstract poems of a non-readerly character which, in their block-like arrangements of monosyllabic words, merely require to be contemplated. However, in between Fascist and Communist equivalents we have to account for fusion literature, to which I shall ascribe an Ecological equivalence, and this literature, embracing virtually all genres, can be extended into philosophically-biased and poetically-biased types of collectivism, which will overlap with fusion literature-proper and suggest Communist or Fascist leanings, depending on the type of collectivism in question, while yet remaining essentially Ecological and thus analogous to radical trikes. In other words, while fusion literature, embracing both philosophical and poetic genres, is strictly middle ground, and thereby analogous to a conventional trike, the philosophic and poetic forms of collectivism may be said to veer towards one or other of the ideological extremes without, however, being identical to them. Such left- and right-wing fusion literature will accordingly approximate to either scooter-like streamlined trikes or to motorbike-like plain trikes, depending on the kind of collectivism in question. An alternative parallel would be jazz-blues and rock-blues vis-à-vis the more absolutist extremes of fascistic modern jazz and communistic soft rock respectively.

85. A technological parallel to fusion literature is provided by the late twentieth-century development of multifaceted sound systems, or collectivized hi-fi. Such midi systems, usually comprising a conventional record-player, radio, cassette-recorder, and compact-disc player, may be accorded a like middle-ground theocratic status to fusion literature, so that an ideological parallel with Ecology is suggested which will be flanked by non-collectivized extremes of a Fascist or a Communist bias, such as cassette recorders and compact-disc players - the one an extrapolation from tape recorders and the other extrapolated from record-players. Doubtless, the addition of radio to a cassette recorder will make for a Social Transcendentalist equivalent beyond Fascist purism, while the addition of radio to a compact-disc player will make for a Transcendental Socialist equivalent beyond Communist purism. Ecological equivalents, by contrast, would require a minimum of three options ... such as radio, cassette recorder, and stereo record-player or, alternatively, compact-disc player, radio, and cassette-recorder, before one could be satisfied that a collectivized format really existed. Of course, such a format need not be specifically middle-ground theocratic and therefore broad-based. It could also be biased towards one or other of the ideological extremes and consequently correspond to either poetic or philosophic fusion literature, depending on the nature of the bias. Not an easy decision! Although I fancy that cassette-recorder, radio, and stereo record-player systems will correspond to the former, whereas compact-disc player, radio and/or TV, and cassette-recorder systems will correspond to the latter. Possibly one would also have to bear in mind the overall style and size of the system in question, with tall, slender systems suggestive of a poetic bias and, conversely, squat, compact systems suggestive of a philosophic one. The mind fairly boggles!

86. In a democratic and hence, by implication, novel-reading society, it stands to reason that proletarian philosophy and poetry or, as I prefer to call it, superphilosophy and superpoetry ... will be the exceptions to the rule, at least officially, and that the general trend of publishing will be anti-philosophical and anti-poetical. Even the relatively small amounts of philosophy and poetry being published within this type of society will not always be of a proletarian or artificial cast; on the contrary, some of it will be of an alpha-stemming naturalistic cast, as relative to traditional philosophy and poetry, which is more concerned with understanding nature and praising natural beauty than with interpreting the modern, largely artificial world and praising its supernatural beauty. For philosophy and poetry precede as well as succeed narrative literature, and one fancies that an open society, particularly one with a constitutional monarchy, will give precedence of publication to alpha-stemming philosophy and poetry rather than to their omega-oriented counterparts, should the two alternatives be in competition for public attention. Which of course would further narrow the choice and amount of proletarian philosophy and poetry being published at any given time, since an open society generally functions on the basis of attaching greater importance to the alpha than to the omega of things; derives its sense of class evaluation from an alpha-stemming hierarchy, with aristocrats - the so-called upper class - at the top. Consequently the horse and/or pony take precedence over the motorbike and/or scooter; though not, however, over the car, which continues to be broadly representative of a democratic middle ground in between autocratic and theocratic extremes. Indeed, an awareness of the ratio of cars to motorbikes and/or scooters on the roads in Britain would confirm, as much as anything could, the overwhelming bias in favour of novels of one sort or another, rendering the publication of superphilosophy and superpoetry, those motorbike and scooter parallels, an outsider's gamble or, at any rate, somewhat untypical of a democratic society's choice. However, all this will hopefully change in the future, though not before democracy has been eclipsed by theocracy - the supertheocracy, more accurately, of the Holy Spirit.

87. Records, books, and paintings are as much a part of the same ideological/class structure ... as albums, paperbacks, and posters of another such structure. In the former case, liberal and bourgeois; in the latter case, socialist and proletarian.

88. Radiograms as a Liberal bourgeois relativistic norm; encased record-players with radio as a petty-bourgeois Democratic Socialist norm; encased record-players minus radio as a petty-bourgeois Socialist norm; record-players with radio and a transparent plastic removable lid as a proletarian Democratic Socialist norm; record-players minus radio but with a transparent plastic removable lid as a proletarian Socialist norm; large tape-recorders as a petty-bourgeois (radical) Conservative norm; small tape-recorders as a petty-bourgeois Nazi norm; small record-players with a transparent plastic lid and built-in headphone capacity as a proletarian Nazi norm. Parallels with monochromatic TV and polychromatic TV would exist on the basis of mono and stereo alternatives.

89. Petty-bourgeois Democratic Socialist long-playing records; petty-bourgeois Socialist short-playing records; proletarian Democratic Socialist albums; proletarian Socialist singles; proletarian Nazi transparent albums.

90. Latin blossom, Slavic fruit, and Teutonic tree: the traditional European racial order paralleling God - Devil - world.

91. Sense in which badminton is a Fascist equivalent, whereas table-tennis is a Communist one - both of which are indoor games and therefore beyond democratic outdoor sports within the broad framework of tennis.

92. Liberal pint of beer (in a mug with handle); Liberal Democratic pint of beer (in a plain glass); petty-bourgeois Democratic Socialist large can of lager; petty-bourgeois (pure) Socialist small can of lager; petty-bourgeois (radical) Conservative large bottle of beer; petty-bourgeois Nazi small bottle of beer; proletarian Nazi bottle of shandy and/or cola; proletarian Democratic Socialist large can of shandy; proletarian pure Socialist small can of shandy; Communist small can of cola; Transcendental Socialist large can of cola; Fascist bottle of champagne; Social Transcendentalist bottle of cream soda; proletarian Liberal Democratic bottled orangeade; Ecological canned orangeade.

93. Wine as a Catholic/High Tory equivalent, with red wine appertaining to the former and white wine to the latter. Spirits, by contrast, as an autocratic equivalent - monarchic, royalist, etc.

94. Umbrellas correspond to an idealistic extreme, whether Catholic in the case of full-length spiked brollies, High Tory in the case of unspiked brollies, or Fascist in the case of collapsibles. Hats worn in the rain as a protection against the wet correspond, on the other hand, to Liberal bourgeois realism, particularly when the hat is of a conventional rim-and-mound type, whereas caps and bowlers correspond to Democratic Socialist and to radical Conservative extremes - the former flat and, hence, materialistic, the latter high and, hence, relatively idealistic. As regards hoods, we enter the opposite extreme to brollies ... of proletarian materialism, equivalent to cigarettes after (bourgeois) cigars, and if one is to distinguish between Socialist hooded jackets and Communist ones, then I wager that the former will be longer than the latter and probably less puffy or supernatural-looking - a sort of thigh-length as opposed to waist-length type of hooded jacket, with or without a zip. Thus from idealistic brollies to materialistic hoods via realistic hats - a progression paralleling that from pipes to cigarettes via cigars.

95. Sexual promiscuity and macho rapid conquests of women are the inevitable sexual concomitants of a republican age, and any male who regards himself as inherently republican, and thus of the State (as opposed to the Church), is almost bound to be sexually promiscuous vis-à-vis the opposite sex. For such an allegiance attests to a masculine bias, with particular regard to the physical side of things, and anyone who prides himself on being dominantly masculine, or macho, will not hesitate to assert his power over women, which both confirms him in his own masculine standing and attests to the evolutionary victory over the feminine which a republican age necessarily signifies. For such an age is beyond proton wavicles and consequently not partial to feminine attitudes to sex, which entail being reticent, reserved, stand-offish, sexually modest, etc, in accordance with alpha-stemming criteria. Now that electron particles have come to the fore, such attitudes would ill-become the turned-on republican male who, opposing the past, desires nothing better than to assert his relatively new-found masculine freedom and therefore freely and spontaneously enter into sexual relations with such women as take his macho fancy. For only thus is the male victory over the feminine tradition adequately confirmed on sexual terms. Such promiscuity will be a republican norm. However, there is always the danger of a too hard-line republican heterosexuality leading to rape, which, in relation to sexual promiscuity generally, is really a question of degree, obviously unacceptable from a liberal republican standpoint, as indeed from virtually every other civilized standpoint, since manifestly anti-social in character.

96. Theory of politico-sexual correlations within a broadly democratic framework: Liberal heterosexuality; decadent bourgeois Liberal Democratic orally-biased heterosexuality, i.e. balanced between cunnilingus and fellatio; proletarian Liberal Democratic anally-biased heterosexuality; petty-bourgeois Democratic Socialist heterosexual promiscuity; petty-bourgeois pure Socialist fellatio-biased oral heterosexuality; proletarian pure Socialist homosexuality; petty-bourgeois (radical) Conservative loveless heterosexual fidelity, i.e. remaining faithful to the same partner irrespective of the absence of emotional commitment; petty-bourgeois Nazi cunnilingus-biased oral heterosexuality; proletarian Nazi paedophilia and/or homosexual pornography.

97. Theory of political-sexual correlations within a broadly supertheocratic framework: Fascist heterosexual erotica with masturbatory stimulation; Social Transcendentalist rump-biased heterosexual pornography with masturbatory stimulation; Communist homosexual erotica with masturbatory and/or self-imposed anal stimulation; Transcendental Socialist phallic-biased heterosexual pornography with masturbatory stimulation; Ecological sex-doll and/or vibrator sexuality (depending on the individual's sex); Fascist-biased Ecological juvenile pornography, i.e. erotica featuring teenage girls; Communist-biased Ecological juvenile pornography, i.e. erotica featuring teenage boys.

98. 'Cunt' - 'pussy' - 'fanny': three slang terms for the vagina which can be used morally to distinguish between materialistic vaginas, i.e. compact and particle-suggesting; idealistic vaginas, i.e. elongated and wavicle-suggesting; and realistic vaginas, i.e. neither particularly compact nor particularly elongated but ... somewhere in between the two extremes. Devil - God - world distinctions within an essentially worldly, or bodily, framework. Hence 'cunt' as diabolically biased, 'pussy' as divinely biased, and 'fanny' as uniquely worldly.

99. Sense in which to be an 'arse man', or one who attributes especial importance to a woman's backside, confers an autocratic leaning, whereas being a 'leg man', or one who attaches especial sexual importance to the shape of a woman's legs, suggests a theocratic disposition ... relative to, say, Catholicism. For the distinction we are drawing, on this relatively primitive level of taste, is fundamentally between particle-suggesting and wavicle-suggesting lower parts of the female anatomy. Materialism and idealism of an alpha-stemming variety.

100. Moving up the evolutionary scale a little to higher parts of the said anatomy, we can distinguish between men who favour a woman's breasts over her arms, i.e. 'tit men', and those who attach greater importance to the arms, thereby attesting to an idealistic rather than to a materialistic bias, as favouring the wavicle-suggesting upper parts of a woman's body and accordingly indicating an ecclesiastical and possibly Protestant bias, in contrast to a secular and probably democratic one ... relative, by contrast, to particle-suggesting breasts.