YES because he never did a
thing like that before as ask to get his breakfast in bed with a couple of eggs
since the City Arms hotel when he used to be pretending to be laid up
with a sick voice doing his highness to make himself interesting to that old
faggot Mrs Riordan that he thought he had a great leg of and she never left us
a farthing all for masses for herself and her soul greatest miser ever was
actually afraid to lay out 4d for her methylated spirit telling me all her
ailments she had too much old chat in her about politics and earthquakes and
the end of the world let us have a bit of fun first God help the world if all
the women were her sort down on bathingsuits and lownecks of course nobody
wanted her to wear I suppose she was pious because no man would look at her
twice I hope Ill never be like her a wonder she didnt want us to cover our
faces but she was a welleducated woman certainly and her gabby talk about Mr
Riordan here and Mr Riordan there I suppose he was glad to get shut of her and
her dog smelling my fur and always edging to get up under my petticoats
especially then still I like that in him polite to old women like that and
waiters and beggars too hes not proud out of nothing but not always if ever he
got anything really serious the matter with him its much better for them go
into a hospital where everything is clean but I suppose Id have to dring it
into him for a month yes and then wed have a hospital nurse next thing on the
carpet have him staying there till they throw him out or a nun maybe like the
smutty photo he has shes as much a nun as Im not yes because theyre so weak and
pulling when theyre sick they want a woman to get well if his nose bleeds youd
think it was O tragic and that dyinglooking one off the south circular when he
sprained his foot at the choir party at the sugarloaf Mountain the day I wore
that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst old ones she could find at
the bottom of the basket anything at all to get into a mans bedroom with her
old maids voice trying to imagine he was dying on account of her to never see
thy face again though he looked more like a man with his beard a bit grown in
the bed father was the same besides I hate bandaging and dosing when he cut his
toe with the razor paring his corns afraid hed get blood poisoning but if it
was a thing I was sick then wed see what attention only of course the woman
hides it not to give all the trouble they do yes he came somewhere Im sure by
his appetite anyway love its not or hed be off his feed thinking of her so either
it was one of those night women if it was down there he was really and the
hotel story he made up a pack of lies to hide it planning it Hynes kept me who
did I meet ah yes I met do you remember Menton and who else who let me see that
big babbyface I saw him and he not long married flirting with a young girl at
Pooles Myriorama and turned my back on him when he slinked out looking quite
conscious what harm but he had the impudence to make up to me one time well
done to him mouth almighty and his boiled eyes of all the big stupoes I ever
met and thats called a solicitor only for I hate having a long wrangle in bed
or else if its not that its some little bitch or other he got in with somewhere
or picked up on the sly if they only knew him as well as I do yes because the
day before yesterday he was scribbling something a letter when I came into the
front room for the matches to show him Dignams death in the paper as if
something told me and he covered it up with the blottingpaper pretending to be
thinking about business so very probably that was it to somebody who thinks she
has a softy in him because all men get a bit like that at his age especially
getting on to forty he is now so as to wheedle any money she can out of him no
fool like an old fool and then the usual kissing my bottom was to hide it not
that I care two straws who he does it with or knew before that way though Id
like to find out so long as I dont have the two of them under my nose all the
time like that slut that Mary we had in Ontario terrace padding out her false
bottom to excite him bad enough to get the smell of those painted women off him
once or twice I had a suspicion by getting him to come near me when I found the
long hair on his coat without that one when I went into the kitchen pretending
he was drinking water 1 woman is not enough for them it was all his fault of
course ruining servants then proposing that she could eat at our table on
Christmas if you please O no thank you not in my house stealing my potatoes and
the oysters 2/6 per doz going out to see her aunt if you please common robbery
so it was but I was sure he had something on with that one it takes me to find
out a thing like that he said you have no proof it was her proof O yes her aunt
was very fond of oysters but I told her what I thought of her suggesting me to
go out to be alone with her I wouldnt lower myself to spy on them the garters I
found in her room the Friday she was out that was enough for me a little bit
too much I saw too that her face swelled up on her with temper when I gave her
her weeks notice better do without them altogether do out the rooms myself
quicker only for the damn cooking and throwing out the dirt I gave it to him
anyhow either she or me leaves the house I couldnt even touch him if I thought
he was with a dirty barefaced liar and sloven like that one denying it up to my
face and singing about the place in the W C too because she knew she was too
well off yes because he couldnt possibly do without it that long so he must do
it somewhere and the last time he came on my bottom when was it the night
Boylan gave my hand a great squeeze going along by the Tolka in my hand there
steals another I just pressed the back of his like that with my thumb to
squeeze back singing the young May Moon shes beaming love because he has an
idea about him and me hes not such a fool he said Im dining out and going to
the Gaiety though Im not going to give him the satisfaction in any case God
knows hes change in a way not to be always and ever wearing the same old hat
unless I paid some nicelooking boy to do it since I cant do it myself a young
boy would like me Id confuse him a little alone with him if we were Id let him
see my garters the new ones and make him turn red looking at him seduce him I
know what boys feel with that down on their cheek doing that frigging drawing
out the thing by the hour question and answer would you do this that and the
other with the coalman yes with a bishop yes I would because I told him about
some Dean or Bishop was sitting beside me in the jews Temples gardens when I
was knitting that woollen thing a stranger to Dublin what place was it and so
on about the monuments and he tired me out with statues encouraging him making
him worse than he is who is in your mind now tell me who are you thinking of
who is it tell me his name who tell me who the German Emperor is it yes imagine
Im him think of him can you feel him trying to make a whore of me what he never
will he ought to give it up now at this age of his life simply ruination for
any woman and no satisfaction in it pretending to like it till he comes and
then finish it off myself anyway and it makes your lips pale anyhow its done
now once and for all with all the talk of the world about it people make its
only the first time after that its just the ordinary do it and think no more
about it why cant you kiss a man without going and marrying him first you
sometimes love to wildly when you feel that way so nice all over you you cant
help yourself I wish some man or other would take me sometime when hes there
and kiss me in his arms there nothing like a kiss long and hot down to your
soul almost paralyses you then I hate that confession when I used to go to
Father Corrigan he touched me father and what harm if he did where and I said
on the canal bank like a fool but whereabouts on your person my child on the
leg behind high up was it yes rather high up was it where you sit down yes O
Lord couldnt he say bottom right out and have done with it what has that got to
do with it and did you whatever way he put it I forget no father and I always
think of the real father what did he want to know for when I already confessed
it to God he had a nice fat hand the palm moist always I wouldn't mind feeling
it neither would he Id say by the bullneck in his horsecollar I wonder did he
know me in the box I could see his face he couldnt see mine of course hed never
turn or let on still his eyes were red when his father died theyre lost for a
woman of course must be terrible when a man cries let alone them Id like to be embraced
by one in his vestments and the smell of incense off him like the pope for a
penance I wonder was he satisfied with me one thing I didn't like his slapping
me behind going away so familiarly in the hall though I laughed Im not a horse
or an ass am I I suppose he was thinking of his father I wonder is he awake
thinking of me or dreaming am I in it who gave him that flower he said he
bought he smelt of some kind of drink not whisky or stout or perhaps the sweety
kind of paste they stick their bills up with some liquor Id like to sip those
richlooking green and yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies drink
with the opera hats I tasted one with my finger dipped out of that American
that had the squirrel talking stamps with father he had all he could do to keep
himself from falling asleep after the last time we took the port and potted
meat it had a fine salty taste yes because I felt lovely and tired myself and
fell asleep as sound as a top the moment I popped straight into bed till that
thunder woke me up as if the world was coming to an end God be merciful to us I
thought the heavens were coming down about us to punish when I blessed myself
and said a Hail Mary like those awful thunderbolts in Gibraltar and they come
and tell you theres no God what could you do if it was running and rushing
about nothing only make an act of contrition the candle I lit that evening in
Whitefriars street chapel for the month of May see it brought its luck though
hed scoff if he heard because he never goes to church mass or meeting he says
your soul you have no soul inside only grey matter because he doesnt know what
it is to have one yes when I lit the lamp yes because he must have come 3 or 4
times with that tremendous big red brute of a thing he has I thought the vein
or whatever the dickens they call it was going to burst though his nose is not
so big after I took off all my things with the blinds down after my hours
dressing and perfuming and combing it like iron or some kind of a thick crowbar
standing all the time he must have eaten oysters I think a few dozen he was in
great singing voice no I never in all my life felt anyone had one the size of
that to make you feel full up he must have eaten a whole sheep after whats the
idea making us like that with a big hole in the middle of us like a Stallion
driving it up into you because thats all they want out of you with that
determined vicious look in his eye I had to halfshut my eyes still he hasnt
such a tremendous amount of spunk in him when I made him pull it out and do it
on me considering how big it is so much the better in case any of it wasnt
washed out properly the last time I let him finish it in me nice invention they
made for women for him to get all the pleasure but if someone gave them a touch
of it themselves theyd know what I went through with Milly nobody would believe
cutting her teeth too and Mina Purefoys husband give us a swing out of your
whiskers filling her up with a child or twins once a year as regular as the
clock always with a smell of children off her the one they called budgers or
something like a nigger with a shock of hair on it Jesusjack the child is a
black the last time I was there a squad of them falling over one another and
bawling you couldnt hear your car supposed to be healthy not satisfied till
they have us swollen out like elephants or I dont know what supposing I risked
having another not off him though still if he was married Im sure hed have a
fine strong child but I dont know Poldy has more spunk in him yes thatd be
awfully jolly I suppose it was meeting Josie Powell and the funeral and
thinking about me and Boylan set him off well he can think what he likes now if
thatll do him any good I know they were spooning a bit when I came on the scene
he was dancing and sitting out with her the night of Georgina Simpsons
housewarming and then he wanted to ram it down my neck on account of not liking
to see her a wallflower that was why we had the standup row over politics he
began it not me when he said about Our Lord being a carpenter at last he made
me cry of course a woman is so sensitive about everything I was fuming with
myself after for giving in only for I knew he was gone on me and the first
socialist he said He was he annoyed me so much I couldnt put him into a temper
still he knows a lot of mixedup things especially about the body and the
insides I often wanted to study up that myself what we had inside us in that
family physician I could always hear his voice talking when the room was
crowded and watch him after that I pretended I had on a coolness with her over
him because he used to be a bit on the jealous side whenever he asked who are
you going to and I said over to Floey and he made me the present of lord Byrons
poems and the three pairs of gloves so that finished that I could quite easily
get him to make it up any time I know how Id even supposing he got in with her
again and was going out to see her somewhere Id know if he refused to eat the
onions I know plenty of ways ask him to tuck down the collar of my blouse or touch
him with my veil and gloves on going out 1 kiss then would send them all
spinning however alright well see then let him go to her she of course would
only be too delighted to pretend shes mad in love with him that I wouldnt so
much Id just go to her and ask her do you love him and look her square in the
eyes she couldnt fool me but he might imagine he was and make a declaration
with his plabbery kind of a manner to her like he did to me though I had the
devils own job to get it out of him though I liked him for that it showed he
could hold in and wasnt to be got for the asking he was on the pop of asking me
too the night in the kitchen I was rolling the potato cake theres something I
want to say to you only for I put him off letting on I was in a temper with my
hands and arms full of pasty flour in any case I let out too much the night
before talking of dreams so I didnt want to let him know more than was good for
him she used to be always embracing me Josie whenever he was there meaning him
of course glauming me over and when I said I washed up and down as far as
possible asking me did you wash possible the women are always egging on to that
putting it on thick when hes there they know by his sly eye blinking a bit
putting on the indifferent when they come out with something the kind he is
what spoils him I dont wonder in the least because he was very handsome at that
time trying to look like lord Byron I said I liked though he was too beautiful
for a man and he was a little before we got engaged afterwards though she didnt
like it so much the day I was in fits of laughing with the giggles I couldnt
stop about all my hairpins falling one after another with the mass of hair I
had youre always in great humour she said yes because it grigged her because
she knew what it meant because I used to tell her a good bit of what went on
between us not all but just enough to make her mouth water but that wasnt my
fault she didnt darken the door much after we were married I wonder what shes
got like now after living with that dotty husband of hers she had her face
beginning to look drawn and run down the last time I saw her she must have been
just after a row with him because I saw on the moment she was edging to draw
down a conversation about husbands and talk about him to run him down what was
it she told me O yes that sometimes he used to go to bed with his muddy boots
on when the maggot takes him just imagine having to get into bed with a thing
like that that might murder you any moment what a man well its not the one way
everyone goes mad Poldy anyway whatever he does always wipes his feet on the
mat when he comes in wet or shine and always blacks his own boots too and he
always takes off his hat when he comes up in the street like that and now hes
going about in his slippers to look for £10000 for a postcard up up O
Sweetheart May wouldnt a thing like that simply bore you stiff to extinction
actually too stupid even to take his boots off now what could you make of a man
like that Id rather die 20 times over than marry another of their sex of course
hed never find another woman like me to put up with him the way I do know me
come sleep with me yes and he knows that too at the bottom of his heart take
that Mrs Maybrick that poisoned her husband for what I wonder in love with some
other man yes it was found out on her wasnt she the downright villain to go and
do a thing like that of course some men can be dreadfully aggravating drive you
mad and always the worst word in the world what do they ask us to marry them
for if were so bad as all that comes to yes because they cant get on without us
white Arsenic she put in his tea off flypaper wasnt it I wonder why they call
it that if I asked him hed say its from the Greek leave us as wise as we were
before she must have been madly in love with the other fellow to run the chance
of being hanged O she didnt care if that was her nature what could she do
besides theyre not brutes enough to go and hang a woman surely are they
theyre all so different
Boylan talking about the shape of my foot he noticed at once even before he was
introduced when I was in the D B C with Poldy laughing and trying to listen I
was waggling my foot we both ordered 2 teas and plain bread and butter I saw
him looking with his two old maids of sisters when I stood up and asked the
girl where it was what do I care with it dropping out of me and that black
closed breeches he made me buy takes you half an hour to let them down wetting
all myself always with some brandnew fad every other week such a long one I did
I forgot my suede gloves on the seat behind that I never got after some robber
of a woman and he wanted me to put it in the Irish Times lost in the ladies
lavatory D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs Marion Bloom and I saw his eyes
on my feet going out through the turning door he was looking when I looked back
and I went there for tea 2 days after in the hope but he wasnt now how did that
excite him because I was crossing them when we were in the other room first he
meant the shoes that are too tight to walk in my hand is nice like that if I
only had a ring with the stone for my month a nice aquamarine Ill stick him for
one and a gold bracelet I dont like my foot so much still I made him spend once
with my foot the night after Goodwins botchup of a concert so cold and windy it
was well we had that rum in the house to mull and the fire wasnt black out when
he asked to take off my stockings lying on the hearthrug in Lombard street well
and another time it was my muddy boots hed like me to walk in all the horses
dung I could find but of course hes not natural like the rest of the world that
I what did he say I could give 9 points in 10 to Katty Lanner and beat her what
does that mean I asked him I forget what he said because the stoppress edition
just passed and the man with the curly hair in the Lucan dairy thats so polite
I think I saw his face before somewhere I noticed him when I was tasting the
butter so I took my time Bartell dArcy too that he used to make fun of when he
commenced kissing me on the choir stairs after I sang Gounods Ave Maria what
are we waiting for O my heart kiss me straight on the brow and part which is my
brown part he was pretty hot for all his tinny voice too my low notes he was
always raving about if you can believe him I liked the way he used his mouth
singing then he said wasnt it terrible to do that there in a place like that I
dont see anything so terrible about it Ill tell him about that some day not now
and surprise him ay and Ill take him there and show him the very place too we did
it so now there you are like it or lump it he thinks nothing can happen without
him knowing he hadnt an idea about my mother till we were engaged otherwise hed
never have got me so cheap as he did he was 10 times worse himself anyhow
begging me to give him a tiny bit cut off my drawers that was the evening
coming along Kenilworth square he kissed me in the eye of my glove and I had to
take it off asking me questions is it permitted to inquire the shape of my
bedroom so I let him keep it as if I forgot it to think of me when I saw him
slip it into his pocket of course hes mad on the subject of drawers thats plain
to be seen always skeezing at those brazenfaced things on the bicycles with
their skirts blowing up to their navels even when Milly and I were out with him
at the open air fete that one in the cream muslin standing right against the
sun so he could see every atom she had on when he saw me from behind following
in the rain I saw him before he saw me however standing at the corner of the
Harolds cross road with a new raincoat on him with the muffler in the Zingari
colours to show off his complexion and the brown hat looking slyboots as usual
what was he doing there where hed no business they can go and get whatever they
like from anything at all with a skirt on it and were not to ask any questions
but they want to know where were you where are you going I could feel him
coming along skulking after me his eyes on my neck he had been keeping away
from the house he felt it was getting too warm for him so I half turned and
stopped then he pestered me to say yes till I took off my glove slowly watching
him he said my openwork sleeves were too cold for the rain anything for an
excuse to put his hand anear me drawers drawers the whole blessed time till I
promised to give him the pair off my doll to carry about in his waistcoat
pocket O Maria Santissima he did look a big fool dreeping in the rain
splendid set of teeth he had made me hungry to look at them and beseeched of me
to lift the orange petticoat I had on with sunray pleats that there was nobody
he said hed kneel down in the wet if I didnt so persevering he would too and
ruin his new raincoat you never know what freak theyd take alone with you
theyre so savage for it if anyone was passing so I lifted them a bit and
touched his trousers outside the way I used to Gardner after with my ring hand
to keep him from doing worse where it was too public I was dying to find out
was he circumcised he was shaking like a jelly all over they want to do
everything too quick take all the pleasure out of it and father waiting all the
time for his dinner he told me to say I left my purse in the butchers and had
to go back for it what a Deceiver then he wrote me that letter with all those
words in it how could he have the face to any woman after his company manners
making it so awkward after when we met asking me have I offended you with my
eyelids down of course he saw I wasnt he had a few brains not like that other
fool Henry Doyle he was always breaking or tearing something in the charades I
hate an unlucky man and if I knew what it meant of course I had to say no for
forms sake dont understand you I said and wasnt it natural so it is of course
it used to be written up with a picture of a womans on that wall in Gibraltar
with that word I couldnt find anywhere only for children seeing it too young
then writing a letter every morning sometimes twice a day I liked the way he
made love then he knew the way to take a woman when he sent me the 8 big
poppies because mine was the 8th then I wrote the night he kissed my heart at
Dolphins barn I couldnt describe it simply it makes you feel like nothing on
earth but he never knew how to embrace well like Gardner I hope hell come on
Monday as he said at the same time four I hate people who come at all hours
answer the door you think its the vegetables then its somebody and you all
undressed or the door of the filthy sloppy kitchen blows open the day old
frostyface Goodwin called about the concert in Lombard street and I just after
dinner all flushed and tossed with boiling old stew dont look at me professor I
had to say Im a fright yes but he was a real old gent in his way it was
impossible to be more respectful nobody to say youre out you have to peep out
through the blind like the messengerboy today I thought it was a putoff first
him sending the port and the peaches first and I was just beginning to yawn
with nerves thinking he was trying to make a fool of me when I knew his
tattarrattat at the door he must have been a bit late because it was 1/4 after
3 when I saw the 2 Dedalus girls coming from school I never know the time even
that watch he gave me never seems to go properly Id want to get it looked after
when I threw the penny to that lame sailor for England home and beauty when I
was whistling there is a charming girl I love and I hadnt even put on my clean
shift or powdered myself or a thing then this day week were to go to Belfast
just as well he has to go to Ennis his fathers anniversary the 27th it wouldnt
be pleasant if he did suppose our rooms at the hotel were beside each other and
any fooling went on in the new bed I couldnt tell him to stop and not bother me
with him in the next room or perhaps some protestant clergyman with a cough
knocking on the wall then he wouldnt believe next day we didnt do something its
all very well a husband but you cant fool a lover after me telling him we never
did anything of course he didnt believe me no its better hes going where he is
besides something always happens with him the time going to the Mallow Concert
at Maryborough ordering boiling soup for the two of us then the bell rang out
he walks down the platform with the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it
hadnt he the nerve and the waiter after him making a holy show of us screeching
and confusion for the engine to start but he wouldnt pay till he finished it
the two gentlemen in the 3rd class carriage said he was quite right so he was
too hes so pigheaded sometimes when he gets a thing into his head a good job
he was able to open the carriage door with his knife or theyd have taken us on
to Cork I suppose that was done out of revenge on him O I love jaunting in a
train or a car with lovely soft cushions I wonder will he take a 1st class for
me he might want to do it in the train by tipping the guard well O I suppose
therell be the usual idiots of men gaping at us with their eyes as stupid as
ever they can possibly be that was an exceptional man that common workman that
left us alone in the carriage that day going to Howth Id like to find out
something about him 1 or 2 tunnels perhaps then you have to look out of the
window all the nicer then coming back suppose I never came back what would they
say eloped with him that gets you on on the stage the last concert I sang at
where its over a year ago when was it St Teresas hall Clarendon St little chits
of missies they have now singing Kathleen Kearney and her like on account of
father being in the army and my singing the absentminded beggar and wearing a
brooch for lord Roberts when I had the map of it all and Poldy not Irish enough
was it him managed it this time I wouldnt put it past him like he got me on to
sing in the Stabat Mater by going around saying he was putting Lead
Kindly Light to music I put him up to that till the jesuits found out he was a
freemason thumping the piano lead Thou me on copied from some old opera yes and
he was going about with some of them Sinner Fein lately or whatever they call
themselves talking his usual trash and nonsense he says that little man he
showed me without the neck is very intelligent the coming man Griffith is he
well he doesnt look it thats all I can say still it must have been him he knew
there was a boycott I hate the mention of politics after the way that Pretoria
and Ladysmith and Bloemfontein where Gardner Lieut Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd East
Lancs Rgt of enteric fever he was a lovely fellow in khaki and just the right
height over me Im sure he was brave too he said I was lovely the evening we
kissed goodbye at the canal lock my Irish beauty he was pale with excitement
about going away or wed be seen from the road he couldnt stand properly and I
so hot as I never felt they could have made their peace in the beginning or old
oom Paul and the rest of the old Krugers go and fight it out between them instead
of dragging on for years killing any finelooking men there were with their
fever if he was even decently shot it wouldnt have been so bad I love to see a
regiment pass in review the first time I saw the Spanish cavalry at La Roque it
was lovely after looking across the bay from Algeciras all the lights of the
rocklike fireflies or those sham battles on the 15 acres the Black Watch with
their kilts in time at the march past the 10th hussars the prince of Wales own
or the lancers O the lancers theyre grand or the Dublins that won Tugela his
father made his money over selling the horses for the cavalry well he could buy
me a nice present up in Belfast after what I gave theyve lovely linen up there
or one of those nice kimono things I must buy a mothball like I had before to
keep in the drawer with them it would be exciting going around with him
shopping buying those things in a new city better leave this ring behind want
to keep turning and turning to get it over the knuckle there or they might bell
it round the town in their papers or tell the police on me but theyd think were
married O let them all go and smother themselves for the fat lot I care he has
plenty of money and hes not a marrying man so somebody better get it out of him
if I could find out whether he likes me I looked a bit washy of course when I
looked close in the handglass powdering a mirror never gives you the expression
besides scrooching down on me like that all the time with his big hipbones hes
heavy too with his hairy chest for this heat always having to lie down for them
better for him put it into me from behind the way Mrs Mastiansky told me her
husband made her like the dogs do it and stick out her tongue as far as every
she could and he so quiet and mild with his tingating either can you ever be up
to men the way it takes them lovely stuff in that blue suit he had on and
stylish tie and socks with the skyblue silk things on them hes certainly
welloff I know by the cut his clothes have and his heavy watch but he was like
a perfect devil for a few minutes after he came back with the stop press
tearing up the tickets and swearing blazes because he lost 20 quid he said he
lost over that outsider that won and half he put on for me on account of
Lenehans tip cursing him to the lowest pits that sponger he was making free
with me after the Glencree dinner coming back that long joult over the
featherbed mountain after the lord Mayor looking at me with his dirty eyes Val
Dillon that big heathen I first noticed him at dessert when I was cracking the
nuts with my teeth I wished I could have picked every morsel of that chicken
out of my fingers it was so tasty and browned and as tender as anything only
for I didnt want to eat everything on my plate those forks and fishslicers were
hallmarked silver too I wish I had some I could easily have slipped a couple
into my muff when I was playing with them then always hanging out of them for
money in a restaurant for the bit you put down your throat we have to be
thankful for our mangy cup of tea itself as a great compliment to be noticed
the way the world is divided in any case if its going to go on I want at least
two other good chemises for one thing and but I dont know what kind of drawers
he likes none at all I think didnt he say yes and half the girls in Gibraltar
never wore them either naked as God made them that Andalusian singing her
Manola she didnt make much secret of what she hadnt yes and the second pair of
silkette stockings is laddered after one days wear I could have brought them
back to Lewers this morning and kick up a row and made that one change them
only not to upset myself and run the risk of walking into him and ruining the
whole thing and one of those kidfitting corsets Id want advertised cheap in the
Gentlewoman with elastic gores on the hips he saved the one I have but thats no
good what did they say they give a delightful figure line 11/6 obviating that
unsightly broad appearance across the lower back to reduce flesh my belly is a
bit too big Ill have to knock off the stout at dinner or am I getting too fond
of it the last they sent form ORourkes was as flat as a pancake he makes his
money easy Larry they call him the old mangy parcel he sent at Xmas a cottage
cake and a bottle of hogwash he tried to palm off as claret that he couldnt get
anyone to drink God spare his spit for fear hed die of the drouth or I must do
a few breathing exercises I wonder is that antifat any good might overdo it
then ones are not so much the fashion now garters that much I have the violet
pair I wore today thats all he bought me out of the cheque he got on the first
O no there was the face lotion I finished the last of yesterday that made my
skin like new I told him over and over again get that made up in the same place
and dont forget it God only knows whether he did after all I said to him Ill
know by the bottle anyway if not I suppose Ill only have to wash in my piss
like beeftea or chickensoup with some of that opoponax and violet I thought it
was beginning to look coarse or old a bit the skin underneath is much finer
where it peeled off there on my finger after the burn its a pity it isnt all
like that and the four paltry handkerchiefs about 6/- in all sure you cant get
on in this world without style all going in food and rent when I get it Ill
lash it around I tell you in fine style I always want to throw a handful of tea
into the pot measuring and mincing if I buy a pair of old brogues itself do you
like those new shoes yes how much were they Ive no clothes at all the brown
costume and the skirt and jacket and the one at the cleaners 3 whats that for
any woman cutting up this old hat and patching up the other the men wont look
at you and women try to walk on you because they know youve no man then with
all the things getting dearer every day for the 4 years more I have of life up
to 35 no Im what am I at all Ill be 33 in September will I what O well look at
that Mrs Galbraith shes much older than me I saw her when I was out last week
her beautys on the wane she was a lovely woman magnificent head of hair on her
down to her waist tossing it back like that like Kitty OShea in Grantham street
1st thing I did every morning to look across see her combing it as if she loved
it and was full of pity I only got to know her the day before we left and that
Mrs Langtry the Jersey Lily the prince of Wales was in love with I suppose hes
like the first man going the roads only for the name of a king theyre all made
the one way only a black mans Id like to try a beauty up to what was she 45
there was some funny story about the jealous old husband what was it all and an
oyster knife he went no he made her wear a kind of a tin thing around her and
the prince of Wales yes he had the oyster knife cant be true a thing like that
like some of those books he brings me the works of Master Francois somebody
supposed to be a priest about a child born out of her ear because her bumgut
fell out a nice word for any priest to write and her a - e as if any fool
wouldnt know what that meant I hate that pretending of all things with the old
blackguards face on him anybody can see its not true and that Ruby and Fair
Tyrants he brought me that twice I remember when I came to page 50 the part
about where she hangs him up out of a hook with a cord flagellate sure theres
nothing for a woman in that all invention made up about he drinking the
champagne out of her slipper after the ball was over like the infant Jesus in
the crib at Inchicore in the Blessed Virgins arms sure no woman could have a
child that big taken out of her and I thought first it came out of her side
because how could she go to the chamber when she wanted to and she a rich lady
of course she felt honoured H.R.H. he was in Gibraltar the year I was born I
bet he found lilies there too where he planted the tree he planted more than
that in his time he might have planted me too if hed come a bit sooner then I
wouldnt be here as I am he ought to chuck that Freeman with the paltry few
shillings he knocks out of it and go into an office or something where hed get
regular pay or a bank where they could put him up on a throne to count the
money all the day of course he prefers plottering about the house so you cant
stir with him any side whats your programme today I wish hed even smoke a pipe
like father to get the smell of a man or pretending to be mooching about for
advertisements when he could have been in Mr Cuffes still only for what he did
then sending me to try and patch it up I could have got him promoted there to
be the manager he gave me a great mirada once or twice first he was as stiff as
the mischief really and truly Mrs Bloom only I felt rotten simply with the old
rubbishy dress that I lost the leads out of the tails with no cut in it but
theyre coming into fashion again I bought it simply to please him I knew it was
no good by the finish pity I changed my mind of going to Todd and Burns as I
said and not Lees it was just like the shop itself rummage sale a lot of trash
I hate those rich shops get on your nerves nothing kills me altogether only he
thinks he knows a great lot about a womans dress and cooking mathering
everything he can scour off the shelves into it if I went by his advices every
blessed hat I put on does that suit me yes take that thats alright the one like
a wedding cake standing up miles off my head he said suited me or the dishcover
one coming down on my backside on pins and needles about the shop girl in that
place in Grafton street I had the misfortune to bring him into and she as
insolent as ever she could be with her smirk saying Im afraid were giving you
too much trouble whats she there for but I stared it out of her yes he was
awfully stiff and no wonder but he changed the second time he looked Poldy
pigheaded as usual like the soup but I could see him looking very hard at my
chest when he stood up to open the door for me it was nice of him to show me
out in any case Im extremely sorry Mrs Bloom believe me without making it too
marked the first time after him being insulted and me being supposed to be his
wife I just half smiled I know my chest was out that way at the door when he
said Im extremely sorry and Im sure you were
yes I think he made
them a bit firmer sucking them like that so long he made me thirsty titties he
calls them I had to laugh yes this one anyhow stiff the nipple gets for the
least thing Ill get him to keep that up and Ill take those eggs beaten up with
marsala fatten them out for him what are all those veins and things curious the
way its made 2 the same in case of twins theyre supposed to represent beauty
placed up there like those statues in the museum one of them pretending to hide
it with her hand and they so beautiful of course compared with what a man looks
like with his two bags full and his other things hanging down out of him or
sticking up at you like a hatrack no wonder they hide it with a cabbageleaf the
woman is beauty of course thats admitted when he said I could pose for a
picture naked to some rich fellow in Holles street when he lost the job in
Helys and I was selling the clothes and strumming in the coffee palace would I
be like that bath of the nymph with my hair down yes only shes younger or Im a
little like that dirty bitch in the Spanish photo he has the nymphs used they
go about like that I asked him that disgusting Cameron highlander behind the
meat market or that other wretch with the red head behind the tree where the
statue of the fish used to be when I was passing pretending he was pissing
standing out for me to see it with his babyclothes up to one side the Queens
own they were a nice lot its well the Surreys relieved them theyre always
trying to show it to you every time nearly I passed outside the mens greenhouse
near the Harcourt street station just to try some fellow or other trying to
catch my eye or if it was 1 of the 7 wonders of the world O and the stink of
those rotten places the night coming home with Poldy after the Comerfords party
oranges and lemonade to make you feel nice the watery I went into 1 of them it
was so biting cold I couldnt keep it when was that 93 the canal was frozen yes
it was a few months after a pity a couple of the Camerons werent there to see
me squatting in the mens place meadero I tried to draw a picture of it before I
tore it up like a sausage or something I wonder theyre not afraid going about
of getting a kick or a bang or something there and that word met something with
hoses in it and he came out with some jawbreakers about the incarnation he
never can explain a thing simply the way a body can understand then he goes and
burns the bottom out of the pan all for his Kidney this one not so much theres
the mark of his teeth still where he tried to bite the nipple I had to scream
out arent they fearful trying to hurt you I had a great breast of milk with
Milly enough for two what was the reason of that he said I could have got a
pound a week as a wet nurse all swelled out the morning that delicate looking
student that stopped in No 28 with the Citrons Penrose nearly caught me washing
through the window only for I snapped up the towel to my face that was his
studenting hurt me they used to weaning her till he got doctor Brady to give me
the Belladonna prescription I had to get him to suck them they were so hard he
said it was sweeter and thicker than cows then he wanted to milk me into the
tea well hes beyond everything I declare somebody ought to put him in the
budget if I only could remember the one half of the things and write a book out
of it the works of Master Poldy yes and its so much smoother the skin much an
hour he was at them Im sure by the clock like some kind of a big infant I had at
me they want everything in their mouth all the pleasure those men get out of a
woman I can feel his mouth O Lord I must stretch myself I wished he was here or
somebody to let myself go with a come gain like that I feel all fire inside me
or if I could dream it when he made me spend the 2nd time tickling me behind
with his finger I was coming for about 5 minutes with my legs round him I had
to hug him after O Lord I wanted to shout out all sorts of things fuck or shit
or anything at all only not to look ugly or those lines from the strain who
knows the way hed take it you want to feel your way with a man theyre not all
like him thank God some of them want you to be so nice about it I noticed the
contrast he does it and doesnt talk I gave my eyes that look with my hair a bit
loose from the tumbling and my tongue between my lips up to him the savage
brute Thursday Friday one Saturday two Sunday three O Lord I cant wait till
Monday
frseeeeeeeefronnnng
train somewhere whistling the strength those engines have in them like big
giants and the water rolling all over and out of them all sides like the end of
Loves old sweet sonnnng the poor men that have to be out all the night from
their wives and families in those roasting engines stifling it was today Im
glad I burned the half of those old Freemans and Photo bits leaving things like
that lying around hes getting very careless and threw the rest of them up in
the W C Ill get him to cut them tomorrow for me instead of having them there
for the next year to get a few pence for them have him asking wheres last
Januarys paper and all those old overcoats I bundled out of the hall making the
place hotter than it is the rain was lovely just after my beauty sleep I
thought it was going to get like Gibraltar my goodness the heat there before
the levanter came on black as night and the glare of the rock standing up in it
like a big giant compared with their 3 Rock mountains they think is so great
with the red sentries here and there the poplars and they all whitehot and the
mosquito nets and the smell of the rainwater in those tanks watching the sun
all the time weltering down on you faded all that lovely frock fathers friend
Mrs Stanhope sent me from the B Marche Paris what a shame my dearest Doggerina
she wrote on what she was very nice whats this her other name was just a P C to
tell you I sent the little present have just had a jolly warm bath and feel a
very clean dog now enjoyed it wogger she called him wogger wd give anything to
be back in Gib and hear you sing in old Madrid or Waiting Concone is the name
of those exercises he bought me one of those new some word I couldnt make out
shawls amusing things but tear for the least thing still theyre lovely I think
dont you will always think of the lovely teas we had together scrumptious
currant scones and raspberry wafers I adore well now dearest Doggerina be sure
and write soon kind she left out regards to your father also Captain Grove with
love yrs affly x x x x x she didnt look
a bit married just like a girl he was years older than her wogger he was
awfully fond of me when he held down the wire with his foot for me to step over
at the bullfight at La Linea when that matador Gomez was given the bulls ear
clothes we have to war whoever invented them expecting you to walk up Killiney
hill then for example at the picnic all staysed up you cant do a blessed thing
in them in a crowd run or jump out of the way thats why I was afraid when that
other ferocious old Bull began to charge the banderillos with the sashes and
the 2 things in their hats and the brutes of men shouting bravo toro sure the
women were as bad in their nice white mantillas ripping all the whole insides
out of those poor horses I never heard of such a thing in all my life yes he
used to break his heart at me taking off the dog barking in bell lane poor
brute and it sick what became of them ever I suppose theyre dead long ago the 2
of them its like all through a mist makes you feel so old I made the scones of
course I had everything all to myself then a girl Hester we used to compare our
hair mine was thicker than hers she showed me how to settle it at the back when
I put it up and whats this else how to make a knot on a thread with the one
hand we were like cousins what age was I then the night of the storm I slept in
her bed she had her arms round me then we were fighting in the morning with the
pillow what fun he was watching me whenever he got an opportunity at the band
on the Alameda esplanade when I was with father and Captain Grove I looked up
at the church first and then at the windows then down and our eyes met I felt
something go through me like all needles my eyes were dancing I remember after
when I looked at myself in the glass hardly recognised myself the change I had
a splendid skin from the sun and the excitement like a rose I didnt get a wink
of sleep it wouldnt have been nice on account of her but I could have stopped
it in time she gave me the Moonstone to read that was the first I read of
Wilkie Collins East Lynne I read and the shadow of Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood
Henry Dunbar by that other woman I lent him afterwards with Mulveys photo in it
so as he see I wasnt without and Lord Lytton Eugene Aram Molly bawn she gave me
by Mrs Hungerford on account of the name I dont like books with a Molly in them
like that one he brought me about the one from Flanders a whore always
shoplifting anything she could cloth and stuff and yards of it this blanket is
too heavy on me thats better I havent even one decent nightdress this thing
gets all rolled up under me besides him and his fooling thats better I used to
be weltering then in the heat my shift drenched with the sweat stuck in the
cheeks of my bottom on the chair when I stood up they were so fattish and firm
when I got up on the sofa cushions to see with my clothes up and the bugs tons
of them at night and the mosquito nets I couldnt read a line Lord how long ago
it seems centuries of course they never come back and she didnt put her address
right on it either she may have noticed her wogger people were always going away
and we never I remember that day with the waves and the boats with their high
heads rocking and the swell of the ship those officers uniforms on shore leave
made me seasick he didnt say anything he was very serious I had the high
buttoned boots on and my skirt was blowing she kissed me six or seven times
didnt I cry yes I believe I did or near it my lips were taittering when I said
goodbye she had a gorgeous wrap of some special kind of blue colour on her for
the voyage made very peculiarly to one side like and it was extremely pretty it
got as dull as the devil after they went I was almost planning to run away mad
out of it somewhere were never easy where we are father or aunt or marriage
waiting always waiting to guiiiide him toooo me waiting nor speeeed his flying
feet their damn guns bursting and booming all over the shop especially the
Queens birthday and throwing everything down in all directions if you didnt
open the windows when general Ulysses Grant whoever he was or did supposed to
be some great fellow landed off the ship and old Sprague the consul that was
there from before the flood dressed up poor man and he in mourning for the son
then the same old reveille in the morning and drums rolling and the unfortunate
poor devils of soldiers walking about with messtins smelling the place more
than the old longbearded jews in their jellibees and levites assembly and sound
clear and gunfire for the men to cross the lines and the warden marching with
his keys to lock the gates and the bagpipes and only Captain Groves and father
talking about Rorkes drift and Plevna and sir Garnet Wolseley and Gordon at
Khartoum lighting their pipes for them everytime they went out drunken old
devil with his grog on the windowsill catch him leaving any of it picking his nose
trying to think of some other dirty story to tell up in a corner but he never
forgot himself when I was there sending me out of the room on some blind excuse
paying his compliments the Bushmills whisky talking of course but hed do the
same to the next woman that came along I supposed he died of galloping drink
ages ago the days like years not a letter from a living soul except the odd few
I posted to myself with bits of paper in them so bored sometimes I could fight
with my nails listening to that old Arab with the one eye and his heass of an
instrument singing his heah heah aheah all my compriments on your hotchapotch
of your heass as bad as now with the hands hanging off me looking out of the
window if there was a nice fellow even in the opposite house that medical in
Holles street the nurse was after when I put on my gloves and hat at the window
to show I was going out not a notion what I meant arent they thick never
understand what you say even youd want to print it up on a big poster for them
not even if you shake hands twice with the left he didnt recognise me either
when I half frowned at him outside Westland row chapel where does their great
intelligence come in Id like to know grey matter they have it all in their tail
if you ask me those country gougers up in the City Arms intelligence they had a
damn sight less than the bulls and cows they were selling the meat and the
coalmans bell that noisy bugger trying to swindle me with the wrong bill he
took out of his hat what a pair of paws and pots and pans and kettles to mend
any broken bottles for a poor man today and no visitors or post ever except his
cheques or some advertisement like that wonderworker they sent him addressed
dear Madam only his letter and the card from Milly this morning see she wrote a
letter to him who did I get the last letter form O Mrs Dwenn now whatever
possessed her to write after so many years to know the recipe I had for pisto
madrileno Floey Dillon since she wrote to say she was married to a very rich
architect if Im to believe all I hear with a villa and eight rooms her father
was an awfully nice man he was near seventy always good humour well now Miss
Tweedy or Miss Gillespie theres the pyannyer that was a solid silver coffee
service he had too on the mahogany sideboard then dying so far away I hate
people that have always their poor story to tell everybody has their own
troubles that poor Nancy Blake died a month ago of acute pneumonia well I didnt
know her so well as all that she was Floeys friend more than mine its a bother
having to answer he always tells me the wrong things and no stops to say like
making a speech your sad bereavement symphathy I always make that mistake and
newphew with 2 double yous in I hope hell write me a longer letter the next
time if its a thing he really likes me O thanks be to the great God I got
somebody to give me what I badly wanted to put some heart up into my youve no
chances at all in this place like you used long ago I wish somebody would write
me a loveletter his wasnt much and I told him he could write what he liked
yours ever Hugh Boylan in Old Madrid silly women believe love is sighing I am
dying still if he wrote it I suppose thered be some truth in it true or no it
fills up your whole day and life always something to think about every moment
and see it all around you like a new world I could write the answer in bed to
let him imagine me short just a few words not those long crossed letters Atty
Dillon used to write to the fellow that was something in the four courts that
jilted her after out of the ladies letterwriter when I told her to say a few
simple words he could twist how he liked not acting with precipit precipitancy
with equal candour the greatest earthly happiness answer to a gentlemans
proposal affirmatively my goodness theres nothing else its all very fine for
them but as for being a woman as soon as youre old they might as well throw you
out in the bottom of the ashpit
Mulveys was the first
when I was in bed that morning and Mrs Rubio brought it in with the coffee she
stood there standing when I asked her to hand me and I pointing at them I
couldnt think of the word a hairpin to open it with ah horquilla disobliging
old thing and it staring her in the face with her switch of false hair on her and vain about
her appearance ugly as she was near 80 or a 100 her face a mass of wrinkles
with all her religion domineering because she never could get over the Atlantic
fleet coming in half the ships of the world and the Union Jack flying with all
her carabineros because 4 drunken English sailors took all the rock form them
and because I didnt run into mass often enough in Santa Maria to please her
with her shawl up on her except when there was a marriage on with all her
miracles of the saints and her black blessed virgin with the silver dress and
the sun dancing 3 times on Easter Sunday morning and when the priest was going
by with the bell bringing the vatican to the dying blessing herself for his
Majestad an admirer he signed it I near jumped out of my skin I wanted to pick
him up when I saw him following me along the Calle Real in the shop window then
he tipped me just in passing I never thought hed write making an appointment i
had it inside my petticoat bodice all day reading it up in every hole and
corner while father was up at the drill instructing to find out by the
handwriting or the language of stamps singing I remember shall I wear a white
rose and I wanted to put on the old stupid clock to near the time he was the
first man kissed me under the Moorish wall my sweetheart when a boy it never
entered my head what kissing meant till he put his tongue in my mouth his mouth
was sweetlike young I put my knee up to him a few times to learn the way what
did I tell him I was engaged for fun to the son of a Spanish nobleman named Don
Miguel de la Flora and he believed that i was to be married to him in 3 years
time theres many a true word spoken in jest there is a flower that bloometh a
few things I told him true about myself just for him to be imagining the
Spanish girls he didnt like I suppose one of them wouldnt have him I got him
excited he crushed all the flowers on my bosom he brought me he couldnt count
the pesetas and the perragordas till I taught him Cappoquin he came from he
said on the Blackwater but it was too short then the day before he left May yes
it was May when the infant king of Spain was born Im always like that in the
spring Id like a new fellow every year up on the tiptop under the rockgun near
OHaras tower I told him it was struck by lightning and all about the old Barbary
apes they sent to Clapham without a tail careering all over the show on each
others back Mrs Rubio said she was a regular old rock scorpion robbing the
chickens out of Inces farm and throw stones at you if you went anear he was
looking at me I had that white blouse on open at the front to encourage him as
much as I could without too openly they were just beginning to be plump I said
I was tired we lay over the firtree cove a wild place I suppose it must be the
highest rock in existence the galleries and casemates and those frightful rocks
and Saint Michaels cave with the icicles or whatever they call them hanging
down and ladders all the mud plotching my boots Im sure thats the way down the
monkeys go under the sea to Africa when they die the ships out far like chips
that was the Malta boat passing yes the sea and the sky you could do what you
liked lie there for ever he caressed them outside they love doing that its the
roundness there I was leaning over him with my white ricestraw hat to take the
newness out of it the left side of my face the best my blouse open for his last
day transparent kind of shirt he had I could see his chest pink he wanted to
touch mine with his for a moment but I wouldnt let him he was awfully put out
first for fear you never know consumption or leave me with a child embarazada
that old servant Ines told me that one drop even if it got into you at all
after I tried with the Banana but I was afraid it might break and get lost up
in me somewhere yes because they once took something down out of a woman that
was up there for years covered with limesalts theyre all mad to get in there
where they come out of youd think they could never get far enough up and then
theyre done with you in a way till the next time yes because theres a wonderful
feeling there all the time so tender how did we finish it off yes O yes I
pulled him off into my handkerchief pretending not to be excited but I opened
my legs I wouldnt let him touch me inside my petticoat I had a skirt opening up
the side I tortured the life out of him first tickling him I loved rousing that
dog in the hotel rrrsssst awokwokawok his eyes shut and a bird flying below us
he was shy all the same I liked him like that morning I made him blush a little
when I got over him that way when I unbuttoned him and took his out and drew
back the skin it had a kind of eye in it theyre all Buttons men down the middle
on the wrong side of them Molly darling he called me what was his name Jack Joe
Harry Mulvey was it yes I think a lieutenant he was rather fair he had a
laughing kind of a voice so I went around to the whatyoucallit everything was
whatyoucallit moustache had he he said hed come back Lord its just like
yesterday to me and if I was married hed do it to me and I promised him yes
faithfully Id let him block me now flying perhaps hes dead or killed or a
Captain or admiral its nearly 20 years if I said firtree cove he would if he
came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes to guess who I might recognise
him hes young still about 40 perhaps hes married some girl on the black water
and is quite changed they all do they havent half the character a woman has she
little knows what I did with her beloved husband before he ever dreamt of her
in broad daylight too in the sight of the whole world you might say they could
have put an article about it in the Chronical I was a bit wild after when I
blew out the old bag the biscuits were in from Benady Bros and exploded it Lord
what a bang all the woodcocks and pigeons screaming coming back the same way
that we went over middle hill round by the old guardhouse and the jews burial
place pretending to read out the Hebrew on them I wanted to fire his pistol he
said he hadnt one he didnt know what to make of me with his peaked cap on that
he always wore crooked as often as I settled it straight H M S Calypso swinging
my hat that old Bishop that spoke off the altar his long preach about womans
higher functions about girls now riding the bicycle and wearing peak caps and
the new woman bloomers God send him sense and me more money I suppose theyre
called after him I never thought that would be my name Bloom when I used to
write it in print to see how it looked on a visiting card or practising for the
butcher and oblige M Bloom youre looking blooming Josie used to say after I
married him well its better than Breen or Briggs does brig or those awful names
with bottom in them Mrs Ramsbottom or some other kind of a bottom Mulvey I
wouldnt go mad about either or suppose I divorced him Mrs Boylan my mother
whoever she was might have given me a nicer name the Lord knows after the
lovely one she had Lunita Laredo the fun we had running along Willis road to
Europa points twisting in and out all round the other side of Jersey they were
shaking and dancing about in my blouse like Millys little ones now when she
runs up the stairs I loved looking down at them I was jumping up at the pepper
tress and the white poplars pulling the leaves off and throwing them at him he
went to India he was to write the voyages those men have to make to the ends of
the world and back its the least they might get a squeeze or two at a woman
while they can going out to be drowned or blown up somewhere I went up windmill
hill to the flats that Sunday morning with Captain Rubios that was dead spyglass
like the sentry had he said hed have one or two from on board I wore that frock
from the B Marche Paris and the coral necklace the straits shining I could see
over to Morocco almost the bay of Tangier white and the Atlas mountain with
snow on it and the straits like a river so clear Harry Molly Darling I was
thinking of him on the sea all the time after at mass when my petticoat began
to slip down at the elevation weeks and weeks I kept the handkerchief under my
pillow for the smell of him there was no decent perfume to be got in that
Gibraltar only that cheap peau despagne that faded and left a stink on you more
than anything else I wanted to give him a momento he gave me that clumsy
Claddagh ring for luck that I gave Gardner going to South Africa where those
Boers killed him with their war and fever but they were well beaten all the
same as if it brought its bad luck with it like an opal or pearl must have been
pure 16 carot gold because it was very heavy I can see his face clean shaven
Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train again weeping tone once in the dear
deaead days beyond recall close my eyes breath my lips forward kiss sad look
eyes open piano ere oer the world the mists began I hate that istsbeg comes
loves sweet ssooooooog Ill let that out full when I get in front of the
footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her lot of squealers Miss This Miss That
Miss Theother lot of sparrowfarts skitting around talking about politics they
know as much about as my backside anything in the world to make themselves
someway interesting Irish homemade beauties soldiers daughter am I ay and whose
are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon coach I thought you were a
wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever they got a chance of
walking down the Alameda on an officers arm like me on the bandnight my eyes
flash my bust that they havent passion God help their poor head I knew more
about men and life when I was 15 than theyll all know at 50 they dont know how
to sing a song like that Gardner said no man could look at my mouth and teeth
smiling like that and not think of it I was afraid he mightnt like my accent
first he so English all father left me in spite of his stamps Ive my mothers
eyes and figure anyhow he always said theyre so snotty about themselves some of
those cads he wasnt a bit like that he was dead gone on my lips let them get a
husband first thats fit to be looked at and a daughter like mine or see if they
can excite a swell with money that can pick and choose whoever he wants like
Boylan to do it 4 or 5 times locked in each others arms or the voice either I
could have been a prima donna only I married him comes looooves old deep down
chin back not too much make it double My Ladys Bower is too long for an encore
about the moated grange at twilight and vaulted rooms yes Ill sing Winds that
blow from the south that he gave after the choirstairs performance Ill change
that lace on my black dress to show off my bubs and Ill yes by God Ill get that
big fan mended make them burst with envy my hole it itching me always when I
think of him I feel I want to I feel some wind in me better go easy not wake
him have him at it again slobbering after washing every bit of myself back
belly and sides if we had even a bath itself or my own room anyway I wish hed
sleep in some bed by himself with his cold feet on me give us room even to let
a fart God or do the least thing better yes hold them like that a bit on my
side piano quietly sweeeee theres that train far away pianissimo eeeeeeee one
more song
that was a relief
wherever you be let your wind go free who knows if that pork chop I took with
my cup of tea after was quite good with the heat I couldnt smell anything off
it Im sure that queerlooking man in the porkbutchers is a great rogue I hope
that lamp is not smoking fill my nose up with smuts better than having him
leaving the gas on all night I couldnt rest easy in my bed in Gibraltar even
getting up to see why I am so damned nervous about that though I like it in the
winder its more company O Lord it was rotten cold too that winter when I was
only about ten was I yes I had the big doll with all the funny clothes dressing
her up and undressing that icy wind skeeting across from those mountains the
something Nevada sierra nevada standing at the fire with the little bit of a
short shift I had up to heat myself I loved dancing about in it then make a
race back into bed Im sure that fellow opposite used to be there the whole time
watching with the lights out in the summer and I in my skin hopping around I
used to love myself then stripped at the washstand dabbing and creaming only
when it came to the chamber performance I put out the light too so then there
was 2 of us Goodbye to my sleep for this night anyhow I hope hes not going to
get in with those medicals leading him astray to imagine hes young again coming
in at 4 in the morning it must be if not more still he had the manners not to
wake me what do they find to gabber about all night squandering money and
getting drunker and drunker couldnt they drink water then he stars giving us
his orders for eggs and tea Findon haddy and hot buttered toast I suppose well
have him sitting up like the king of the country pumping the wrong end of the
spoon up and down in his egg wherever he learned that form and I love to hear
him falling up the stairs of a morning with the cups rattling on the tray and
then play with the cat she rubs up against you for her own sake I wonder has
she fleas shes as bad as a woman always licking and lecking but I hate their
claws I wonder do they see anything that we cant staring like that when she
sits at the top of the stairs so long and listening as I wait always what a
robber too that lovely fresh plaice I bought I think Ill get a bit of fish
tomorrow or today is it Friday yes I will with some blancmange with black
currant jam like long ago not those 2 lb pots of mixed plum and apple from the
London and Newcastle Williams and Woods goes twice as far only for the bones I
hate those eels cod yes Ill get a nice piece of cod Im always getting enough
for 3 forgetting anyway Im sick of that everlasting butchers meat form Buckleys
loin chops and leg beef and rib steak and scrag of mutton and calfs pluck the
very name is enough or a picnic suppose we all gave 5/- each and or let him pay
and invite some other woman for him who Mrs Fleming and drive out to the furry
glen or the strawberry beds wed have him examining all the horses toenails
first like he does with the letters no not with Boylan there yes with some cold
veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are little houses down at the bottom of the
banks there on purpose but its as hot as blazes he says not a bank holiday
anyhow I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for the day Whit Monday is a
cursed day too no wonder that bee bit him better the seaside but Id never again
in this life get into a boat with him after him at Bray telling the boatman he
knew how to row if anyone asked could he ride the steeplechase for the gold cup
hed say yes then it came on to get rough the old thing crookeding about and the
weight all down my side telling me to pull the right reins now pull the left
and the tide all swamping in floods in through through the bottom and his oar
slipping out of the stirrup its a mercy we werent all drowned he can swim of
course me no theres no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his flannel
trousers Id like to have tattered them down off him before all the people and
give him what that one calls flagellate till he was black and blue do him all
the good in the world only for that longnosed chap I dont know who he is with
that other beauty Burke out of the City Arms hotel was there spying around as
usual on the slip always where he wasnt wanted if there was a row on you vomit
a better face there was no love lost between us that 1 consolation I wonder
what kind is that book he brought me Sweets of Sin by a gentleman of fashion
some other Mr de Kock I suppose the people gave him that nickname going about
with his tube from one woman to another I couldnt even change my new white
shoes all ruined with the saltwater and the hat I had with that feather all
blowy and tossed on my how annoying and provoking because the smell of the sea
excited me of course the sardines and the bream in Catalan bay round the back
of the rock they were fine all silver in the fishermens baskets old Luigi near
a hundred they said came from Genoa and the tall old chap with the earrings I
dont like a man you have to climb up to go get at I suppose theyre all dead and
rotten long ago besides I dont like being alone in this big barracks of a place
at night I suppose Ill have to put up with it I never brought a bit of salt in
even when we moved in the confusion musical academy he was going to make on the
first floor drawingroom with a brassplate or Blooms private hotel he suggested
go and ruin himself altogether the way his father did down in Ennis like all
the things he told father he was going to do and me but I saw through him
telling me all the lovely places we could go for the honeymoon Venice by
moonlight with the gondolas and the lake of Como he had a picture cut out of
some paper of and mandolines and lanterns O how nice I said whatever I liked he
was going to do immediately if not sooner will you be my man will you carry my
can he ought to get a leather medal with a putty rim for all the plans he
invents then leaving us here all day you never know what old beggar at the door
for a crust with his long story might be a tramp and put his foot in the way to
prevent me shutting it like that picture of that hardened criminal he was
called in Lloyds Weekly News 20 years in jail then he comes out and murders an
old woman for her money imagine his poor wife or mother or whoever she is such
a face youd run miles away form I couldnt rest easy till I bolted all the doors
and windows to make sure but its worse again being locked up like in a prison
or a madhouse they ought to be all shot or the cat of nine tails a big brute
like that that would attack a poor old woman to murder her in her bed Id cut
them off so I would not that hed be much use still better than nothing the
night I was sure I heard burglars in the kitchen and he went down in his shirt
with a candle and a poker as if he was looking for a mouse as white as a sheet
frightened out of his wits making as much noise as he possible could for the
burglars benefit there isnt much to steal indeed the Lord knows still its the
feeling especially now with Milly away such an idea for him to send the girl
down there to learn to take photographs on account of his grandfather instead
of sending her to Skerrys academy where shed have to learn not like me getting
all at school only hed do a thing like that all the same on account of me and
Boylan thats why he did it Im certain the way he plots and plans everything out
I couldnt turn round with her in the place lately unless I bolted the door
first gave me the fidgets coming in without knocking first when I put the chair
against the door just as I was washing myself there below with the glove get on
your nerves then doing the loglady all day put her in a glasscase with two at a
time to look at her if he knew she broke off the hand off that little gimcrack
statue with her roughness and carelessness before she left that I got that
little Italian boy to mend so that you cant see the join for 2 shillings
wouldnt even teem the potatoes for you of course shes right not to ruin her
hands I noticed he was always talking to her lately at the table explaining
things in the paper and she pretending to understand sly of course that comes
from his side of the house and helping her into her coat but if there was
anything wrong with her its me shed tell not him he cant say I pretend things
can he Im too honest as a matter of fact I suppose he thinks Im finished out
and laid on the shelf well Im not no nor anything like it well see well see now
shes well on for flirting too with Tom Devans two sons imitating me whistling
with those romps of Murray girls calling for her can Milly come out please shes
in great demand to pick what they can out of her round in Nelson street riding
Harry Devans bicycle at night its as well he sent her where she is she was just
getting out of bounds wanting to go on the skatingrink and smoking their
cigarettes through their nose I smelt it off her dress when I was biting off
the thread of the button I sewed on to the bottom of her jacket she couldnt
hide much from me I tell you only I oughtnt to have stitched it and it on her
it brings a parting and the last plumpudding too split in 2 halves see it comes
out no matter what they say her tongue is a bit too long for my taste your
blouse is open too low she says to me the pan calling the kettle blackbotton
and I had to tell her not to cock her legs up like that on show on the
windowsill before all the people passing they all look at her like me when I
was her age of course any old rag looks well on you then a great touchmenot too
in her own way at the Only Way in the Theatre royal take your foot away out of
that I hate people touching me afraid of her life Id crush her skirt with the
pleats a lot of that touching must go on in theatres in the crush in the dark
theyre always trying to wiggle up to you that fellow in the pit at the pit at
the Gaiety for Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time Ill ever go there to be
squashed like that for any Trilby or her barebum every two minutes tipping me
there and looking away hes a bit daft I think I saw him after trying to get
near two stylish dressed ladies outside Switzers window at the same little game
I recognised him on the moment the face and everything but he didnt remember me
and she didnt even want me to kiss her at the Broadstone going away well I hope
shell get someone to dance attendance on her the way I did when she was down
with the mumps her glands swollen wheres this and wheres that of course she cant
feel anything deep yet I never came properly till I was what 22 or so it went
into the wrong place always only the usual girls nonsense and giggling that
Conny Connolly writing to her in white ink on black paper sealed with
sealingwax though she clapped when the curtain came down because he looked so
handsome then we had Martin Harvey for breakfast dinner and supper I thought to
myself afterwards it must be real love if a man gives up his life for her that
way for nothing I suppose there are few men like that left its hard to believe
in it though unless it really happened to me the majority of them with not a
particle of love in their natures to find two people like that nowadays full up
of each other that would feel the same way as you do theyre usually a bit
foolish in the head his father must have been a bit queer to go and poison
himself after her still poor old man I suppose he felt lost always making love
to my things too the few old rags I have wanting to put her hair up at 15 my
powder too only ruin her skin or her shes time enough for that all her life
after of course shes restless knowing shes pretty with her lips so red a pity
they wont stay that way I was too but theres no use going to the fair with the
thing answering me like a fishwoman when I asked to go for a half a stone of
potatoes the day we met Mrs Joe Gallaher at the trottingmatches and she
pretended not to see us in her trap with Friery the solicitor we werent grand
enough till I have her 2 damn fine cracks across the ear for herself take that
now for answering me like that and that for your impudence she had me that
exasperated of course contradicting I was badtempered too because how was it
there was a weed in the tea or I didnt sleep the night before cheese I ate was
it and I told her over and over again not to leave knives crossed like that
because she has nobody to command her as she said herself well if he doesnt
correct her faith I will that was the last time she turned on the teartap I was
just like that myself they darent order me about the place its his fault of
course having the two of us slaving here instead of getting in a woman long ago
am I ever going to have a proper servant again of course then shed see him
coming Id have to let her know or shed revenge it arent they a nuisance that
old Mrs Fleming you have to be walking round after her putting the things into
her hands sneezing and farting into the pots well of course shes old she cant
help it a good job I found that rotten old smelly dishcloth that got lost
behind the dresser I knew there was something and opened the window to let out
the smell bringing in his friends to entertain them like the night he walked
home with a dog if you please that might have been made especially Simon
Dedalus son his father such a criticiser with his glasses up with his tall hat
on him at the cricket match and a great big hole in his sock one thing laughing
at the other and his son that got all those prizes for whatever he won them in
the intermediate imagine climbing over the railings if anybody saw him that
knew us wonder he didnt tear a big hole in his grand funeral trousers as if the
one nature gave wasnt enough for anybody hawking him down into the dirty old
kitchen now is he right in his head I ask pity it wasnt washing day my old pair
of drawers might have been hanging up too on the line on exhibition for all hed
ever care with the ironmould mark the stupid old bundle burned on them he might
think was something else and she never even rendered down the fat I told her
and now shes going such as she was on account of her paralysed husband getting
worse theres always something wrong with them disease or they have to go under
an operation or if its not that its drink and he beats her Ill have to hunt
around again for someone every day I get up theres some new thing on sweet God
sweet God well when Im stretched out dead in my grave I suppose Ill have some
peace I want to get up a minute if Im let wait O Jesus wait yes that thing has
come on me yes now wouldnt that afflict you of course all the poking and
rooting and ploughing he had up in me now what am I to do Friday Saturday
Sunday wouldnt that pester the soul out of a body unless he likes it some men
do God knows theres always something wrong with us 5 days every 3 or 4 weeks
usual monthly auction isnt it simply sickening that night it came on me like
that the one and only time we were in a box that Michael Gunn gave him to see
Mrs Kendal and her husband at the Gaiety something he did about insurance for
him Drimmies I was fit to be tied though I wouldnt give in with that gentleman
of fashion staring down at me with his glasses and him the other side of me
talking about Spinoza and his soul thats dead I suppose millions of years ago I
smiled the best I could all in a swamp leaning forward as if I was interested
having to sit it out then to the last tag I wont forget that wife of Scarli in
a hurry supposed to be a fast play about adultery that idiot in the gallery
hissing the woman adulteress he shouted I suppose he went and had a woman in
the next lane running around all the back ways after to make up for it I wish
he had what I had then hed boo I bet the cat itself is better off than us have
we too much blood up in us or what O patience above its pouring out of me like
the sea anyhow he didnt make me pregnant as big as he is I dont want to ruin
the clean sheets the clean linen I wore brought it on too damn it damn it and
they always want to see a stain on the bed to know youre a virgin for them all
thats troubling them theyre such fools too you could be a widow or divorced 40
times over a daub of red ink would do or blackberry juice no thats too purply O
Jamesy let me up out of this pooh sweets of sin whoever suggested that business
for women what between clothes and cooking and children this damned old bed too
jingling like the dickens I suppose they could hear us away over the other side
of the park till I suggested to put the quilt on the floor with the pillow under
my bottom I wonder is it nicer in the day I think it is easy I think Ill cut
all this hair off me there scalding me I might look like a young girl wouldnt
he get the great suckin the next time he turned up my clothes on me Id give
anything to see his face wheres the chamber gone easy Ive a holy horror of its
breaking under me after that old commode I wonder was I too heavy sitting on
his knee I made him sit on the easychair purposely when I took off only my
blouse and skirt first in the other room he was so busy where he oughtnt to be
he never felt me I hope my breath was sweet after those kissing comfits easy
God I remember one time I could scout it out straight whistling like a man
almost easy O Lord how noisy I hope theyre bubbles on it for a wad of money
from some fellow Ill have to perfume it in the morning dont forget I bed he
never saw a better pair of thighs than that look how while they are the
smoothness place is right there between this bit here how soft like a peach
easy God I wouldnt mind being a man and get up on a lovely woman O Lord what a
row youre making like the jersey lily easy O how the waters come down at Lahore
who knows is there
anything the matter with my insides or have I something growing in me getting
that thing like that every week when was it last I Whit Monday yes its only
about 3 weeks I ought to go to the doctor only it would be like before I
married him when I had that white thing coming from me and Floey made me go to
that dry old stick Dr Collins for womens diseases on Pembroke road your vagina
he called it I suppose thats how he got all the gilt mirrors and carpets
getting round those rich ones off Stephens green running up to him for every
little fiddlefaddle her vagina and her cochinchina theyve money of course so
theyre all right I wouldnt marry him not if he was the last man in the world
besides theres something queer about their children always smelling around
those filthy bitches all sides asking me if what I did had an offensive odour
what did he want me to do but the one thing gold maybe what a question if I
smathered it all over his wrinkly old face for him with all my compriment I
suppose hed know then and could you pass it easily pass what I thought he was
talking about the rock of Gibraltar the way he puts it thats a very nice
invention too by the way only I like letting myself down after in the hole as
far as I can squeeze and pull the chain then to flush it nice cool pins and
needles still theres something in it I suppose I always used to know by Millys
when she was a child whether she had worms or not still all the same paying him
for that how much is that doctor one guinea please and asking me had I frequent
omissions where do those old fellows get all the words they have omissions with
his shortsighted eyes on the cocked sideways I wouldnt trust him too far to
give me chloroform or God knows what else still I liked him when he sat down to
write the thing out frowning so severe his nose intelligent like that you be
damned you lying strap O anything no matter who except an idiot he was clever
enough to spot that of course that was all thinking of him and his made crazy
letters my Precious one everything connected with your glorious Body everything
underlined that comes from it is a thing of beauty and of joy for ever for
something he got out of some nonsensical book that he had me always at myself 4
or 5 times a day sometimes and I said I hadnt are you sure O yes I said I am
quite sure in a way that shut him up I knew what was coming next only natural
weakness it was he excited me I dont know how the first night ever we met when
I was living in Rehoboth terrace we stood staring at each other for about 10
minutes as if we met somewhere I suppose on account of my being jewess looking
after my mother he used to amuse me the things he said with the half
sloothering smile on him and all the Doyles said he was going to stand for a
member of Parliament O wasnt I the born fool to believe all his blather about
home rule and the land league sending me that long strool of a song out of the
Huguenots to sing in French to be more classy O beau pays de la Touraine that I
never even sang once explaining and rigmaroling about religion and persecution
he wont let you enjoy anything naturally then might he as a great favour the
very 1st opportunity he got a chance in Brighton square running into my bedroom
pretending the ink got on his hands to wash it off with the Albion milk and
sulphur soap I used to use and the gelatine still round it O I laughed myself
sick at him that day Id better not make an all night sitting on this affair
they ought to make chambers a natural size so that a woman could sit on it
properly he kneels down to do it I suppose there isnt in all creation another
man with the habits he has look at the way hes sleeping at the foot of the bed
how can he without a hard bolster its well he doesnt kick or he might knock out
all my teeth breathing with his hand on his nose like that Indian god he took
me to show one wet Sunday in the museum in Kildare street all yellow in a
pinafore lying on his side on his hand with his ten toes sticking out that he said
was a bigger religion than the jews and Our Lords both put together all over
Asia imitating him as hes always imitating everybody I suppose he used to sleep
at the foot of the bed too with his big square feet up in his wifes mouth damn
this stinking thing anyway wheres this those napkins are ah yes I know I hope
the old press doesnt creak ah I knew it would hes sleeping hard had a good time
somewhere still she must have given him great value for his money of course he
has to pay for it from her O this nuisance of a thing I hope theyll have
something better for us in the other world tying ourselves up God help us thats
all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always reminds me of old
Cohen I suppose he scratched himself in it often enough and he thinks father
bought it from Lord Napier that I used to admire when I was a little girl
because I told him easy piano O like my bed God here we are as bad as ever
after 16 years how many houses were we in at all Raymond Terrace and Ontario
terrace and Lombard street and Holles street and he goes about whistling every
time were on the run again his huguenots or the frogs march pretending to help
the men with our 4 sticks of furniture and then the City Arms hotel worse and
worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the landing always somebody
inside praying then leaving all their stinks after them always know who was in
there last every time were just getting on right something happens or he puts
his big foot in it Thoms and Helys and Mr Cuffes and Drimmies either hes going
to be run into prison over his old lottery tickets that was to be all our
salvations or he goes and gives impudence well have him coming home with the
sack soon out of the Freeman too like the rest on account of those Sinner Fein
or the Freemasons then well see if the little man he showed me dribbling along
in the wet all by himself round by Coadys lane will give him much consolation
that he says is so capable and sincerely Irish he is indeed judging by the
sincerity of the trousers I saw on him wait theres Georges church bells with 3
quarters the hour wait 2 oclock well thats a nice hour of the night for him to
be coming home at to anybody climbing down into the area if anybody saw him Ill
knock him off that little habit tomorrow first Ill look at his shirt to see or
Ill see if he has that French letter still in his pocketbook I suppose he
thinks I dont know deceitful men all their 20 pockets arent enough for their
lies then why should we tell them even if its the truth they dont believe you
then tucked up in bed like those babies in the Aristocrats Masterpiece he
brought me another time as if we hadnt enough of that in real life without some
old Aristocrat or whatever his name is disgusting you more with those rotten
pictures children with two heads and no legs thats the kind of villainy theyre
always dreaming about with not another thing in their empty heads they ought to
get slow poison the half of them then tea and toast for him buttered on both
sides and newlaid eggs I suppose Im nothing any more when I wouldnt let him
lick me in Holles street one night many tyrant as ever for the one thing he
slept on the floor half the night naked the way the jews used when somebody
dies belonged to them and wouldnt eat any breakfast or speak a word wanting to
be petted so I thought I stood out enough for one time and let him he does it
all wrong too thinking only of his own pleasure his tongue is too flat or I
dont know what he forgets that we then I dont Ill make him do it again if he
doesnt mind himself and lock him down to sleep in the coalcellar with the
blackbeetles I wonder was it her Josie off her head with my castoffs hes such a
born liar too no hed never have the courage with a married woman thats why he
wants me and Boylan though as for her Denis as she calls him that
forlornlooking spectacle you couldnt call him a husband yes its some little
bitch hes got in with even when I was with him with Milly at the College races
that Hornblower with the childs bonnet on the top on his nob let us into by the
back way he was throwing his sheeps eyes at those two doing skirt duty up and
down I tried to wink at him first no use of course and thats the way his money
goes this is the fruits of Mr Paddy Dignam yes they were all in great style at
the grand funeral in the paper Boylan brought in if they saw a real officers
funeral thatd be something reversed arms muffled drums the poor horse walking
behind in black L Bloom and Tom Kernan the drunken little barrelly man that bit
his tongue off falling down the mens W C drunk in some place or other and
Martin Cunningham and the Dedaluses and Fanny MCoys husband white head of
cabbage skinny thing with a turn in her eye trying to sing my songs shed want
to be born all over again and her old green dress with the lowneck as she cant
attract them any other way like dabbling or a rainy day I see it all now
plainly and they call that friendship killing and then burying one another and
they all with their wives and families at home more especially Jack Power
keeping that barmaid he does of course his wife is always sick or going to be
sick or just getting better of it and hes a goodlooking man still though hes
getting a bit grey over the ears theyre a nice lot all of them well theyre not
going to get my husband again into their clutches if I can help it making fun
of him behind his back I know well when he goes on with his idiotics because he
has sense enough not to squander every penny piece he earns down their gullets
and looks after his wife and family goodfornothings poor Paddy Dignam all the
same Im sorry in a way for him what are his wife and 5 children going to do
unless he was insured comical little teetotum always stuck up in some pub
corner and her or her son waiting Bill Bailey wont you pleas come home her
widows weeds wont improve her appearance theyre awfully becoming though if
youre goodlooking what men wasnt he yes he was at the Glencree dinner and Ben
Dollard base barreltone the night he borrowed the swallowtail to sing out of in
Holles street squeezed and squashed into them and grinning all over his big
Dolly face like a wellwhipped childs botty didnt he look a balmy ballocks sure
enough that must have been a spectacle on the stage imagine paying 5/- in the
preserved seats for that to see him and Simon Dedalus too he was always turning
up half screwed singing the second verse first the old love is the new was one
of his so sweetly sang the maiden on the hawthorn bough he was always on for
flirtyfying too when I sang Maritana with him at Freddy Mayers private opera he
had a delicious glorious voice Phoebe dearest goodbye sweet heart he
always sang it not like Bartell dArcy sweet tart goodbye of course he
had the gift of the voice so there was no art in it all over you like a warm
showerbath O Maritana wildwood flower we sang splendidly though ti was a bit
too high for my register even transposed and he was married at the time to May
Goulding but then hed say or do something to knock the good out of it hes a
widower now I wonder what sort is his son he says hes an author and going to be
a university professor of Italian and Im to take lessons what is he driving at
now showing him my photo its not good of me I ought to have got it taken in
drapery that never looks out of fashion still I look young in it I wonder he didnt
make him a present of it altogether and me too after all why not I saw him
driving down to the Kingsbridge station with his father and mother I was in
mourning that 11 years ago now yes hed be 11 though what was the good in going
into mourning for what was neither one thing nor the other of course he
insisted hed go into mourning for the cat I suppose hes a man now by this time
he was an innocent boy then and a darling little fellow in his lord Fauntleroy
suit and curly hair like a prince on the stage when I saw him at Mat Dillons he
liked me too I remember they all do wait by God yes wait yes hold on he was on
the cards this morning when I laid out the deck union with a young stranger
neither dark nor fair you met before I thought it meant him but hes no chicken
nor a stranger either besides my face was turned the other way what was the 7th
card after that the 10 of spades for a Journey by land then there was a letter
on its way and scandals too the 3 queens and the 8 of diamonds for a rise in
society yes wait it all came out and 2 red 8s for new garments look at that and
didnt I dream something too yes there was something about poetry in it I hope
he hasnt long greasy hair hanging into his eyes or standing up like a red
Indian what do they go about like that for only getting themselves and their
poetry laughed at I always liked poetry when I was a girl first I thought he
was a poet like Byron and not an ounce of it in his composition I thought he
was quite different I wonder is he too young hes about wait 88 I was married 88
Milly is 15 yesterday 89 what age was he then at Dillons 5 or 6 about 88 I
suppose hes 20 or more Im not too old for him if hes 23 or 24 I hope hes not
that stuck up university student sort no otherwise he wouldnt go sitting down
in the old kitchen with him taking Eppss cocoa and talking of course he
pretended to understand it all probably he told him he was out of Trinity
college hes very young to be a professor I hope hes not a professor like
Goodwin was he was a patent professor of John Jameson they all write about some
woman in their poetry well I suppose he wont find many like me where softly
sighs of love the light guitar where poetry is in the air the blue sea and the
moon shining so beautifully coming back on the nightboat from Tarifa the
lighthouse at Europa point the guitar that fellow played was so expressive will
I never go back there again all new faces two glancing eyes a lattice hid Ill
sing that for him theyre my eyes if hes anything of a poet two eyes as darkly
bright as loves own star arent those beautiful words as loves young star itll
be a change the Lord knows to have an intelligent person to talk to about
yourself not always listening to him and Billy Prescotts ad and Keyess ad and
Tom the Devils ad then if anything goes wrong in their business we have to
suffer Im sure hes very distinguished Id like to meet a man like that God not
those other ruck besides hes young those fine young men I could see down in
Margate strand bathing place from the side of the rock standing up in the sun
naked like a God or something and then plunging into the sea with them why
arent all men like that thered be some consolation for a woman like that lovely
little statue he bought I could look at him all day long curly head and his
shoulders his finger up for you to listen theres real beauty and poetry for you
I often felt I wanted to kiss him all over also his lovely young cock there so
simply I wouldnt mind taking him in my mouth if nobody was looking as if it was
asking you to suck it so clean and white he looked with his boyish face I would
too in ½ a minute even if some of it went down what its only like gruel or the
dew theres no danger besides hed be so clean compared with those pigs of men I
suppose never dream of washing it from 1 years end to the other the most of
them only thats what gives the women the moustaches Im sure itll be grand if I
can only get in with a handsome young poet at my age Ill throw them the 1st
thing in the morning till I see if the wishcard comes out or Ill try pairing
the lady herself and see if he comes out Ill read and study all I can find or
learn a bit off by heart if I knew who he likes so he wont think me stupid if
he thinks all women are the same and I can teach him the other part Ill make
him feel all over him till he half faints under me then hell write about me
lover and mistress publicly too with our 2 photographs in all the papers when
he becomes famous O but then what am I going to do about him though
no thats no way for him
has he no manners nor no refinement nor no nothing in his nature slapping us
behind like that on my bottom because I didnt call him Hugh the ignoramus that
doesnt know poetry from a cabbage thats what you get for not keeping them in
their proper place pulling off his shoes and trousers there on the chair before
me so barefaced without even asking permission and standing out that vulgar way
in the half of a shirt they wear to be admired like a priest or a butcher or
those old hypocrites in the time of Julius Caesar of course hes right enough in
his way to pass the time as a joke sure you might as well be in bed with what
with a lion God Im sure hed have something better to say for himself an old
Lion would O well I suppose its because they were so plump and tempting in my
short petticoat he couldnt resist they excite myself sometimes its well for men
all the amount of pleasure they get off a womans body were so round and white
for them always I wished I was one myself for a change just to try with that
thing they have swelling upon you so hard and at the same time so soft when you
touch it my uncle John has a thing long I heard those cornerboys saying passing
the corner of Marrowbone lane my aunt Mary has a thing hairy because it was
dark and they knew a girl was passing it didnt make me blush why should it
either its only nature and he puts his thing long into my aunt Marys hairy
etcetera and turns out to be you put the handle in a sweepingbrush men again
all over they can pick and choose what they please a married woman or a fast
widow or a girl for their different tastes like those houses round behind Irish
street no but were to be always chained up theyre not going to be chaining me
up no damn fear once I start I tell you for stupid husbands jealousy why cant
we all remain friends over it instead of quarrelling her husband found it out
what they did together well naturally and if he did can he undo it hes coronado
anyway whatever he does and then he going to the other mad extreme about the
wife in Fair Tyrants of course the man never even casts a 2nd thought on the
husband or wife either its the woman he wants and he gets her what else were we
given all those desires for Id like to know I cant help it if Im young still
can I its a wonder Im not an old shrivelled hag before my time living with him
so cold never embracing me except sometimes when hes asleep the wrong end of me
not knowing I suppose who he has any man thatd kiss a womans bottom Id throw my
hat at him after that hed kiss anything unnatural where we havent 1 atom of any
kind of expression in us all of us the same 2 lumps of lard before ever I do
that to a man pfooh the dirty brutes the mere thought it enough I kiss the feet
of you senorita theres some sense in that didnt he kiss our halldoor yes he did
what a madman nobody understands his cracked ideas but me still of course a
woman wants to be embraced 20 times a day almost to make her look young no
matter by who so long as to be in love or loved by somebody if the fellow you
want isnt there sometimes by the Lord God I was thinking would I go around by
the quays there some dark evening where nobodyd know me and pick up a sailor
off the sea thatd be hot on for it and not care a pin whose I was only to do it
off up in a gate somewhere or one of those wildlooking gipsies in Rathfarnham
had their camp pitched near the Bloomfield laundry to try and steal our things
if they could I only sent mine there a few times for the name model laundry
sending me back over and over some old ones old stockings that blackguard-
looking fellow with the fine eyes peeling a switch attack me in the dark and
ride me up against the wall without a word or a murderer anybody what they do
themselves the fine gentlemen in their silk hats that K C lives up somewhere
this way coming out of Hardwicke lane the night he gave us the fish supper on
account of winning over the boxing match of course it was for me he gave it I
knew him by his gaiters and the walk and when I turned round a minute after
just to see there was a woman after coming out of it too some filthy prostitute
then he goes home to his wife after that only I suppose the half of those
sailors are rotten again with disease O move over your big carcass out of that
for the love of Mike listen to him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well
he may sleep and sigh the great Suggester Don Poldo do la Flora if he knew how
he came out on the cards this morning hed have something to sigh for a dark man
in some perplexity between 2 7s too in prison for Lord knows what he does that
I dont know and Im to be slooching around down in the kitchen to get his
lordship his breakfast while hes rolled up like a mummy will I indeed did you
ever see me running Id just like to see myself at it show them attention and
they treat you like dirt I dont care what anybody says itd be much better for
the world to be governed by the women in it you wouldnt see women going and
killing one another and slaughtering when do you ever see women rolling around
drunk like they do or gambling every penny they have and losing it on horses yes
because a woman whatever she does she knows where to stop sure they wouldnt be
in the world at all only for us they dont know what it is to be a woman and a
mother how could they where would they all of them be if they hadnt all a
mother to look after them what I never had thats why I suppose hes running wild
now out at night away from his books and studies and not living at home on
account of the usual rowy house I suppose well its a poor case that those that
have a fine son like that theyre not satisfied and I none was he not able to
make one it wasnt my fault we came together when I was watching the two dogs up
in her behind in the middle of the naked street that disheartened me altogether
I suppose I oughtnt to have buried him in that little woolly jacket I knitted
crying as I was but give it to some poor child but I knew well Id never have
another our 1st death too it was we were never the same since O Im not going to
think myself into the glooms about that any more I wonder why he wouldnt stay
the night I felt all the time it was somebody strange he brought in instead of
roving around the city meeting God knows who nightwalkers and pickpockets his
poor mother wouldnt like that if she was alive ruining himself for life perhaps
still its a lovely hour so silent I used to love coming home after dances the
air of the night they have friends they can talk to weve none either he wants
what he wont get or its some woman ready to stick her knife in you I hate that
in women no wonder they treat us the way they do we are a dreadful lot of
bitches I suppose its all the troubles we have makes us so snappy Im not like
that he could easy have slept in there on the sofa in the other room I suppose
he was as shy as a boy he being so young hardly 20 of me in the next room hed
have heard me on the chamber arrah what harm Dedalus I wonder its like those
names in Gibraltar Delapaz Delagracia they had the devils queer names there
father Vial plana of Santa Maria that gave me the rosary Rosales y OReilly in
the Calle las Siete Revueltas and Pisimbo and Mrs Opisso in Governor street O
what a name Id go and drown myself in the first river if I had a name like her
O my and all the bits of streets Paradise ramp and Bedlam ramp and Rodgers ramp
and Crutchetts ramp and the devils gap steps well small blame to me if I am a
harumscarum I know I am a bit I declare to God I dont feel a day older than
then I wonder could I get my tongue round any of the Spanish como esta usted
muy bien gracias y usted see I havent forgotten it all I thought I had only for
the grammar a noun is the name of any person place or thing pity I never tried
to read that novel cantankerous Mrs Rubio lent me by Valera with the questions
in it all upside down the two ways I always knew wed go away in the end I can
tell him the Spanish and he tell me the Italian then hell see Im not so
ignorant what a pity he didnt stay Im sure the poor fellow was dead tired and
wanted a good sleep badly I could have brought him in his breakfast in bed with
a bit of toast so long as I didnt do it on the knife for bad luck or if the
woman was going her rounds with the watercress and something nice and tasty
there are a few olives in the kitchen he might like I never could bear the look
of them in Abrines I could do the criada the room looks all right since I
changed it the other way you see something was telling me all the time Id have
to introduce myself not knowing me from Adam very funny wouldnt it Im his wife
or pretend we were in Spain with him half awake without a Gods notion where he is
dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things came into my head
sometimes itd be great fun supposing he stayed with us why not theres the room
upstairs empty and Millys bed in the back
room he could do his writing and studies at the table in there for all
the scribbling he does at it and if he wants to read in bed in the morning like
me as hes making the breakfast for 1 he can make it for 2 Im sure Im not going
to take in lodgers off the street for him if he takes a gesabo of a house like
this Id love to have a long talk with an intelligent welleducated person Id
have to get a nice pair of red slippers like those Turks with the fez used to
sell or yellow and a nice semitransparent morning gown that I badly want or a
peachblossom dressing jacket like the one long ago in Walpoles only 8/6 or 18/6
Ill just give him one more chance Ill get up early in the morning Im sick of
Cohens old bed in any case I might go over to the markets to see all the
vegetables and cabbages and tomatoes and carrots and all kinds of splendid
fruits all coming in lovely and fresh who knows whod be the 1st man Id meet
theyre out looking for it in the morning Mamy Dillon used to say they are and
the night too that was her massgoing Id love a big juicy pear now to melt in
your mouth like when I used to be in the longing way then Ill throw him up his
eggs and tea in the moustachecup she gave him to make his mouth bigger I
suppose hed like my nice cream too I know what Ill do Ill go about rather gay
not too much singing a bit now and then mi far pieta Masetto then Ill start
dressing myself to go out presto non son piu forte Ill put on my best shift and
drawers let him have a good eyeful out of that to make his micky stand for him
Ill let him know if thats what he wanted that his wife is fucked yes and damn
well fucked too up up my neck nearly not by him 5 or 6 times handrunning theres
the mark of his spunk on the clean sheet I wouldnt bother to even iron it out
that ought to satisfy him if you dont believe me feel my belly unless I made
him stand there and put him into me Ive a mind to tell him every scrap and make
him do it in front of me serve him right its all his own fault if I am an
adulteress as the thing in the gallery said O much about it if thats all the
harm ever we did in this vale of tears God knows its not much doesnt everybody
only they hide it I suppose thats what a woman is supposed to be there for or
He wouldnt have made us the way He did so attractive to men then if he wants to
kiss my bottom Ill drag open my drawers and bulge it right out in his face as
large as life he can stick his tongue 7 miles up my hole as hes there my brown
part then Ill tell him I want £1 or perhaps 30/- Ill tell him I want to buy
underclothes then if he gives me that well he wont be too bad I dont want to
soak it all out of him like other women do I could often have written out a
fine cheque for myself and write his name on it for a couple of pounds a few
times he forgot to lock it up besides he wont spend it Ill let him do it off on
me behind provided he doesnt smear all my good drawers O I suppose that cant be
helped Ill do the indifferent 1 or 2 questions Ill know the answers when hes
like that he cant keep a thing back I know every turn in him Ill tighten my
bottom well and let out a few smutty words smellrump or lick my shit or the
first mad thing comes into my head then Ill suggest about yes O wait now sonny
my turn is coming Ill be quite gay and friendly over it O but I was forgetting
this bloody pest of a thing pfooh you wouldnt know which to laugh or cry were
such a mixture of plum and apple no Ill have to wear the old things so much the
better itll be more pointed hell never know whether he did it nor not there
thats good enough for you any old thing at all then Ill wipe him off me just like
a business his omission then Ill go out Ill have him eyeing up at the ceiling
where is she gone now make him want me thats the only way a quarter after what
an unearthly hour I suppose theyre just getting up in China now combing out
their pigtails for the day well soon have the nuns ringing the angelus theyve
nobody coming in to spoil their sleep except an odd priest or two for his night
office the alarmclock next door at cockshout clattering the brains out of
itself let me see if I can doze off 1 2 3 4 5 what kind of flowers are those
they invented like the stars the wallpaper in Lombard street was much nicer the
apron he gave me was like that something only I only wore it twice better lower
this lamp and try again so as I can get up early Ill go to Lambes there beside
Findlaters and get them to send us some flowers to put about the place in case
he brings him home tomorrow today I mean no no Fridays an unlucky day first I
want to do the place up someway the dust grows in it I think while Im asleep then
we can have music and cigarettes I can accompany him first I must clean the
keys of the piano with milk whatll I wear shall I wear a white rose or those
fairy cakes in Liptons I love the smell of a rich big shop at 7½d a lb or the
other ones with the cherries in them and the pinky sugar 11d a couple of lbs of
course a nice plant for the middle of the table Id get that cheaper in wait
wheres this I saw them not long ago I love flowers Id love to have the whole
place swimming in roses God of heaven theres nothing like nature the wild
mountains then the sea and the waves rushing then the beautiful country with
fields of oats and wheat and all kinds of things and all the fine cattle going
about that would do your heart good to see rivers and lakes and flowers all
sorts of shapes and smells and colours springing up even out of the ditches
primroses and violets nature it is as for them saying theres no God I wouldnt
give a snap of my two fingers for all their learning why dont they do and
create something I often asked him atheists or whatever they call themselves go
and wash the cobbles off themselves first then they go howling for the priest
and they dying and why why because theyre afraid of hell on account of their
bad conscience ah yes I know them well who was the first person in the universe
before there was anybody that made it all who ah that they dont know neither do
I so there you are they might as well try to stop the sun from rising tomorrow
the sun shines for you he said the day we were lying among the rhododendrons on
Howth head in the grey tweed suit and his straw hat the day I got him to
propose to me yes first I gave him the bit of seedcake out of my mouth and it
was leapyear like now yes 16 years ago my God after that long kiss I near lost
my breath yes he said I was a flower of the mountain yes so we are flowers all
a womans body yes that was one true thing he said in his life and the sun
shines for you today yes that was why I liked him because I saw he understood
or felt what a woman is and I knew I could always get round him and I gave him
all the pleasure I could leading him on till he asked me to say yes I wouldnt
answer first only looked out over the sea and the sky I was thinking of so many
things he didnt know of Mulvey and Mr Stanhope and Hester and father and old
captain Groves and the sailors playing all birds fly and I say stoop and
washing up dishes they called it on the pier and the sentry in front of the
governors house with the thing round his white helmet poor devil half roasted
and the Spanish girls laughing in their shawls and their tall combs and the
auctions in the morning the Greeks and the jews and the Arabs and the devil
knows who else from all the ends of Europe and Duke street and the fowl market
all clucking outside Larby Sharons and the poor donkeys slipping half asleep
and the vague fellows in the cloaks asleep in the shade on the steps and the
big wheels of the carts of the bulls and the old castle thousands of years old
yes and those handsome Moors all in white and turbans like kings asking you to
sit down in their little bit of a shop and Ronda with the old windows of the
posadas glancing eyes a lattice hid for her lover to kiss the iron and the
wineships half open at night and the castanets and the night we missed the boat
at Algiciras the watchman going about serene with his lamp and O that awful
deepdown torrent O and the sea the sea crimson sometimes like fire and the
glorious sunsets and the figtrees in the Alameda gardens yes and all the queer
little streets and pink and blue and yellow houses and the rosegardens and the
jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a girl where I was a
Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian
girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish
wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my
eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would i yes to say yes my mountain
flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he
could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes
I said yes I will Yes.
Trieste-Zurich-Paris,
1914–21
